Sunderland actor Paul Drayton reflects on marriage to Alan Carr and reality of celebrity life in new memoir

From catching the 115 bus into the city centre, to nights discovering Sunderland’s early gay scene, to dreaming of a life beyond the North East while never quite leaving it behind, Paul Drayton says his new memoir is a love letter to the city that shaped him.

Published on June 30, Ride – Or Die Trying traces Paul’s journey from a childhood in Hastings Hill to life in London, where he would go on to work in television and marry comedian Alan Carr, with the couple announcing their separation in 2022.

Despite the glamour and celebrity circles and career success, the book reveals the alcoholism, addiction, ADHD, grief and identity struggles that Paul,54, says nearly destroyed him.

“I was born at home in a three-bedroom semi in Hastings Hill. To me it was a safe haven. Neighbours were ‘Aunty’ and ‘Uncle’ and doors were never locked. Mum still lives there today and every time I go back, part of me feels like a child again,” he said.

Ride – Or Die Trying paints a picture of growing up in Sunderland during the 1970s and 80s, from family dinners around the kitchen table and working-class humour to bus rides into the city centre before The Bridges transformed it forever.

Paul also reflects on taking his first tentative steps into Sunderland’s gay community at a time when there were few safe spaces, describing how difficult it was to find confidence as a shy teenager.

He explains: “My big dream was to go to London and pursue acting. It took every ounce of determination, resourcefulness and self-belief I had to make my dreams come true. I could have played it safe and stayed in Sunderland.

“I had a great job at the Post Office, loyal mates and I’d worked my way up to management.”

One particularly touching chapter recalls the Sunderland Echo covering his modelling success in the mid-1990s after he reached the national final of the Highland Spring Face Of competition.

“The Sunderland Echo picked up on the story and ran a lovely feature about the local postie who went to London for a big modelling competition. They even did a photo spread... Mum had this huge grin on her face, proud as punch. It meant the world to me,” he recalls.

Today, Paul, who lives in Sussex, says writing the memoir allowed him to reconnect with the place that gave him his resilience.

“This book isn’t about blaming anyone. It’s about telling the truth. Sunderland gave me the humour, determination and resilience that helped me survive some incredibly dark times. I wanted to write honestly about where I came from because it’s a huge part of who I am.”

Already attracting national attention for its candid account of addiction, recovery and rebuilding his life after public heartbreak, Paul says Ride – Or Die Trying is ultimately a story of hope, forgiveness and never losing sight of where you came from.

*Ride – Or Die Trying by Paul Drayton published by Brown Dog Books is out now.