Perhaps it's time to admit that Halloween is all a bit rubbish, really

I’m thinking specifically of the pubs which are festooned in environmentally unfriendly tat for the occasion.

Why? There is no known instance of patrons storming out of a bar in high dudgeon owing to its negligence in the supply of plastic cauldrons or unconvincing cobwebs.

Please don’t misunderstand. No one begrudges the little ones the opportunity to dress up as ghosts, witches and (for some reason) Spider-Man. Not only do they derive great pleasure from this, they also get to grab free handfuls of ket by trick-or-treating. Gettin.

Incidentally, trick-or-treating is British in origin, although the usurping of turnips by pumpkins for lanterns is an American innovation.

So what? They look better and as anyone who has ever scooped out a turnip will concur, it’s hard work. Pumpkins are easy for artisans to sculpt, whereas Joe Wicks couldn’t scoop out two turnip lanterns in one day. More pertinently, the kids love them and all that’s Halloweeny.

But for the adults? Be honest, it’s all a bit rubbish really.

The most fun I have wrung from Halloween thus far is from some press bumf, put out by a driving organisation I had never heard of, who said: “Breaking the rules of the road is not a trifling matter, even on Halloween.”

This advice was dispensed for the benefit of those among you who were burdened with the misconception that doing 115mph in a built-up area is actually authorised on October 31.

A PR firm has also claimed to us: “There’s an intriguing question many Brits might be pondering: ‘How far can you legally go to stop someone from playing a trick on you this Halloween?’”

It may be presumptuous to say so, but “many Brits” seems a shade optimistic.

That provided a welcome snigger, but Halloween is otherwise something of a washout for the over-12s. Readers may now be wondering: “Does this bloke want to stop adults from having any fun at all?”

To which the sensible answer, of course, is yes.