'Only those from the Planet Boring could moan about the Stadium of Light shows which bring top acts such as Ed Sheeran and Elton John to Sunderland'

The search continues for someone sneering about the forthcoming Stadium of Light concerts who isn’t also irredeemably dull.

Wednesday, 1st June 2022, 10:53 pm

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I won’t personally be attending, if anyone cares, but fully support anything that helps the profile and coffers of Sunderland. If you’re off to see Ed Sheeran, have a great time. Pity it’s not three gigs as originally planned.

Alas, certain Wearsiders seem unable to tolerate anything they happen not to like themselves, then feel obliged to share this “news”. We refer to the inhabitants of Planet Boring.

They will, verbally or online, make wearily predictable jokes about any event in Sunderland, but are perpetually unencumbered by originality. Any sentence beginning with “I would rather…” rarely ends amusingly.

Whether you're a fan of Ed Sheeran or not, the first gig at the Stadium of Light in three years is great news for Sunderland. PA image.

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Exclamation marks are often used, thereby ensuring that the reader realises the statement is supposed to be funny; ditto the laughing emoji.

Another side-splitter from natives of the Planet Boring is: “I wouldn’t open the curtains to see Ed Sheeran!”

No such demand is being made. In the highly unlikely of Mr Sheeran performing in the backyard of someone imbued with such a tedious patter, then they are free to keep their curtains closed.

If they can do the same with their mouths, others would be quietly appreciative.

The Echo recently asked online, in a spirit of levity and positivity, for something in Sunderland they felt was worth visitors frequenting.

Responses, from the intelligent, included the parks, beaches, Washington Old Hall, Washington Village, Glass Centre, Auditorium, Empire Theatre, Hillside Cemetery, Keel Square, Stadium of Light, museums, St Peter’s, Aquatic Centre, Penshaw Monument, Roker Pier, Victoria Viaduct, Hylton Castle…

But on Planet Boring none of this compares to “Blandford Street! Ha! Ha!” or that ancient classic “The road out! Lol!” (© J Tarbuck 1428).

There is also an expansive list of things wrong with the city. Frankly, however, only an idiot could think “the whole place is a dump”. Everyone can extol the positive and deal with the negative; unless you’re from the Planet Boring.

The imminent gigs of Ed and Elton are positives. Those who can’t enjoy the shows can still enjoy the benefits. Criticism, of the constructive variety, remains welcome. Slow-witted sniping, is not.

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