Count Binface missed a trick by not standing in South Shields or Jarrow
From dogs (and goats) at polling stations to the Monster Raving Loony Party, UK voters and candidates like to show they aren’t opposed to a dash of fun at election time.
Spoof candidates are nothing new, but they don’t come much better than Count Binface.
The self-described intergalactic space warrior rose to fame by standing against then-Prime Minister Boris Johnson in 2019 in his Uxbridge and South Ruislip seat, and has also stood in London Mayoral elections.
This time round, he’s up against Rishi Sunak down the road from us in the North Yorkshire constituency of Richmond.
However, we can’t help thinking the Count might have stood a better chance if he’d set up shop in the South Shields or Jarrow constituencies.
Echo readers in the South Tyneside areas of Whitburn, Cleadon and the Boldons have suffered months of misery as bin strikes left waste mounting in people’s homes and scattering round the streets.
South Tyneside Council announced this week ‘the end was in sight’ to the industrial action after talks with the GMB union.
However, it wasn’t before the ruling Labour Group on the council took a hammering in the local elections in May, only narrowly keeping control of the local authority.
While South Shields and Jarrow MPs Emma Lewell-Buck and Kate Osborne respectively have no responsibility for bin collections, fed-up voters may well have used the polls to voice their anger.
Count Binface, who was created Jonathan David Harvey, may have found the issue played into his strengths.
However, he will undoubtedly achieve wider fame by going up against Mr Sunak in Richmond.
If the exit poll proves true, it will be a bitter night for the Tories, and it isn’t beyond the realms of possibility he will lose his admittedly very safe seat - though it remains to be seen how the Count will fare in comparison.
Count Binface
The Count has a 24-point manifesto in his bid to unseat the Prime Minister.
He was hoping to strike a chord with voters by promising that pensions will be double-locked but with a little extra chain on the side, Claudia Winkleman’s fringe will be Grade-1 listed, and he will represent the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest, if elected.
Ahead of the election, the Count told the PA news agency that his election manifesto is entitled “Bloody Loyal To Wherever I’m Standing For Election”.
He said: “It is a bold and bracing programme fit to bursting with sensible policies that mix the local, the national and the intergalactic.
“I feel sure it is the most sensible manifesto being launched today, and I hope I can invigorate the election campaign onto the issues that really matter to the the people of Britain.”
The Count took aim at the elite with several of his promises, including pledging that, if elected, “all water bosses (will) take a dip in British rivers to see how they like it” and national service will be introduced for former prime ministers.
Other flagship policies include inviting European countries to join the UK in order to create a new “Union of Europe”, and offering stilts to all British citizens to help cope with the effects of climate change.
While the quirky candidate made some new promises, previous pledges remain, including to build “at least one affordable house” and to price cap croissants at £1.10.
The self-described 5,702-year-old Recyclon has promised to fight loud noises in public spaces, pledging to ban loud snacks from cinemas and theatres as well as banning speaker phones on public transport, with punishment for the latter offence being forced habitation with Matt Hancock for a year.
The election hopeful said he wants to see the reintroduction of Ceefax, the world’s first teletext information service, and ensure that Children in Need “finally get round” to fixing Pudsey’s eye.
Improving train services was a central focus of Count Binface’s manifesto, as he promises to provide “trains that work” and “WiFi on trains that work”.
He also promised to tackle an issue of importance in the local area, pledging that traffic on Northallerton High Street will be fixed by a new space bridge, bypassing both level crossings.
Looking beyond his constituency, the Count pledged that the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty in Uxbridge, west London, will be moved to “a more sensible position”.
He also pledged that it would be mandatory for MPs to live in the area they wish to serve in for four years before election to improve local representation.
Speaking with PA earlier in June, Count Binface said his motivations for running were “a mixture of being at a loose end, being a huge fan of British democracy” and his “humble ambitions to conquer the entire omniverse”.