SAFC stars who Wannabe Spice Girls

With girl power at the Stadium of Light tonight, we have been repeatedly told that what you want, what you really, really want, is to read an article about which Sunderland player would be which Spice Girl.

Thursday, 6th June 2019, 7:21 pm
Duncan Watmore

So here are the players we think best fit the famous five...

Scary: There are a few candidates here but we shall plump for the obvious and say Kevin Ball as he might otherwise track us down.

Other nominees include Joe Bolton, once described as: “The hardest man in the history, not of football, but of planet Earth.” Rumoured to subsist on a diet of WD40 and broken glass.

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Spice Girls doing their stuff. Picture by Andrew Timms/PA Wire.

Honourable mentions go to Billy Whitehurst and John Kay.

Sporty: Lee Howey. He made a record 17,000 appearances on the substitutes’ bench and was therefore rarely seen outside a tracksuit.

Baby: Only one nominee here. Sunderland’s youngest ever player, Derek Forster, who made his debut at the grand old age of 15 years and 185 days after an injury to legendary goalkeeper Jimmy Montgomery.

Posh: We can’t think of any footballer who is genuinely posh, so we’ll have to settle for educated. Football is an environment in which anyone who can mend a fuse is automatically referred to as The Professor.

Kevin Ball: Scary

Duncan Watmore is genuinely educated and has a first-class degree in economics, don’t you know. He’ll do. In fairness, he’s posher than the real Posh Spice.

Ginger: Tempted to just say Jack Colback, or for older supporters, Ian Wallace.

Lee Howey
Jack Colback.
John Kay is stretchered off at Roker Park.
Colin Suggett (left) and Derek Forster (right) at Roker Park.