The true meaning of Christmas: biscuits

In this industry we receive some weird and wonderful correspondence from people with something to plug, particularly at this time of year.

I defer to no one in my appreciation of Fox's biscuits, but the email they sent me on Wednesday titled "Get your festive jumper ready: NEW research reveals 1st December is the official kick off of Christmas" was every bit as batty as it sounds.

"Official"? Says who? And why are Christmas jumper wearers designated as spreaders of joy? They are only spreaders of plastic pollution and, worse still, aren't funny.

Christmas jumpers are only one step away from the evil that is fancy dress - a mechanism whereby those with minimal personality can suggest otherwise.

As ever we refer to adults. The little ones are exempt.

According to Fox's: "Whilst the 1st December was by far the most popular day to springboard into the season, a Santa loving 4% start as soon as autumn hits!" Urgh.

When you point out, perfectly reasonably, that this sounds like utter moon juice, prepare for the witless response of "Bah, humbug."

For many, the festive period makes them as sick as a juggler's rabbit. However, if you approach a Christmas lover in early January and call them names for not being delighted that it's all over, they seem offended.

The email wittered further: "27% of 18-24 year olds start spreading the festive joy from Bonfire Night." What with? They're all skint.

As you might expect, these unimpeachable findings came from "a recent survey of 2,000 Brits" which found that apart from spending time together, the thing that spreads the most seasonal joy is, amazingly, "giving people festive treats - like biscuits... over and above extravagant gifts."

Great news then. No need to splash out on that Lamborghini your loved one was expecting. They'll be equally delighted with a tin of biccies.

By an incredible coincidence, the research was commissioned by Fox's themselves.

Our thanks to Fox's for the seasonal happiness they have given, albeit not in the way they intended. They deserve our custom for that alone.

In conclusion: Crunch Creams are great. Jumpers depicting amorous reindeer - are not.