Politicians shouldn't even attempt 'humour'

It is a sound recommendation in life generally that people who aren't funny should make no attempt to be so. This applies double in politics.

The least damage political unfunniness can do is to curl toes with an attempted one-liner; something seen countless times at party conferences, or on panel shows.

At worst it lands them squarely in the soup, such as Liam Byrne's "no money left" note in 2010, or Boris Johnson's (presumed) joke in 2009 that a £250,000 salary is "chickenfeed".

We often laugh at politicians, but not by design.

Only the loyal laughed on Wednesday when Rishi Sunak made his ill-considered trans-gender quip. He'd been doing quite well until that point. People were moving on from that preposterous £1,000 Rwanda bet.

Say what you like about Liz Truss and Keir Starmer; Sunak enemies. At least they have grasped that they couldn't crack a joke for all the cash in, well, Sunak's account.

Witty MPs are rare. William Hague, John Smith and Charles Kennedy are wags we remember; although Hague left the Commons eight years ago and the other two are now long dead.

Disraeli and Churchill uttered some memorable witticisms between them, but haven't been seen for a while either.

It's best therefore for MPs not to attempt humour. Yet so obsessively fearful are they of being labelled "boring", they ignore this invaluable advice; even Gordon Brown, for whom merely smiling never looked convincing.

Boris Johnson once responded to an awkward Commons question from Ian Blackmore by essentially calling the SNP member fat.

Mean-spirited and unfunny, but it still brought the house down. However, there is a vast difference between genuine and sycophantic laughter; between genuine charisma and mere fame.

The man has never wittingly said or done anything funny in his life, so he really ought not to try either. Nor should any of them. We elect them to serve, not entertain.

It has been said that politics is show business for ugly people. Harsh, but the point is made. Outside of actual showbiz, why should it matter if any professional is a bit dull if they get the job done?

No more gags, please.