Vaccine conspiracy ‘theorists’ don’t even know what a theory is - our columnist on anti-vaxxers, masks and Bill Gates

After months of positing fairy tale as fact on the internet, the potential vaccine means they’ve now got the big one.
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Those people who “refuse to live in fear”, while simultaneously claiming that Bill Gates is plotting our downfall, can fill their boots as never before.

Apparently we’re all victims of a plan for world domination, as “evidenced” by perfectly sensible people wearing masks.

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File picture of a nurse handling a syringe.File picture of a nurse handling a syringe.
File picture of a nurse handling a syringe.
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If I was an evil genius, I like to think I would manipulate mankind into something more exciting than making people walk round The Bridges with a piece of cloth over their noses.

Do masks do any good? Ten whole seconds of rational thought will conclude that they do. How many times should we say this? – they protect others.

I speak as an expert on absolutely nothing. But even I know that when we cough and sneeze, covid or not, a perfectly horrible concoction of airborne rottenness leaves our spluttering mouths and nostrils. A mask does much to curtail this and others are appreciative. How simple a reason do we need to wear one?

It is untrue that a statement which can be neither proved nor disproved automatically qualifies as a theory. Nor does a complete absence of evidence on any subject indicate a cover-up.

This lad knows the value of wearing a mask and he should know - he's a surgeon.This lad knows the value of wearing a mask and he should know - he's a surgeon.
This lad knows the value of wearing a mask and he should know - he's a surgeon.
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The burden of proof lies with those making claims; especially the extraordinary ones. Someone who makes a ludicrous assertion and imagines that saying “Prove I’m wrong then” provides validation is to be ignored, unless they are seven years-old in which case it’s forgivable.

YouTube clips of attention seekers don’t count as evidence either.

But back to the inchoate vaccine. We can look forward to some outstanding online flapdoodle over its ingredients, much as we already have with the flu vaccine.

Bill Gates, the conspiracy “theorist’s” voodoo doll, is purportedly controlling the vaccine, they claim. The poor lad’s down to his last $100billion, thereby resorting to a get-rich-slow scheme.

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A genuine theory is grounded in fact. A successful theory survives new facts, which is why we have the Theory of Evolution and not the Wild Guess of Evolution.

Regrettably, unlike the moon landing “hoax”, matters are too serious to be merely laughed at. We must therefore utilise the mortal enemy of conspiracy “theorists” everywhere.


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