RICHARD ORD: Super fry guy, gonna take you higher

Son Number Two returned from a fortnight in Malia sporting a tan that on a Farrow and Ball paint chart would likely be filed under Rigor Mortis Blush.

By Richard Ord
Wednesday, 29th June 2022, 12:12 pm
Behind every great burger ... there's an out-of-focus fry guy.
Behind every great burger ... there's an out-of-focus fry guy.

Actually, I’m planning on getting the kitchen painted so I’m tempted to take our Isaac along to the paint shop with me and, pointing to his face, telling the colour mixer that ‘I’d like that shade of white for the walls, please.’

‘Ah, that’d be Mortuary Slab Shimmer. Would you like it in matt or vinyl?’

Sunbathing did not feature highly on his holiday ‘to do’ list. Sightseeing was also noticeable by its absence. Though I’m sure there were some ‘sights’ to behold during his lads holiday. Not that I’d get to see any of them.

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His holiday snaps were not for sharing. ‘You might not get the humour,’ he said, shielding his phone from my inquisitive eyes. Isaac’s 18 years old. I didn’t push the issue. He’s returned from his holidays with no colour in his cheeks, no black eyes and no tattoos. That’s good enough for me.

Meanwhile, Son Number One is flying high! Or given that he’s on a roll in a burger bar should that be ‘frying’ high?

Things are going so well with our Bradley’s summer job that he now finds himself featuring in their advertising.

While I had high hopes for my boy, I didn’t have him down as the future face of meat patties.

He sent me a copy of the flyer which his employers (Meat: Stack, in case you’re wondering, and, in case you’re reading this Mr Meat: Stack, no gherkins thanks) have distributed advertising their wares.

And there is our Bradley pictured on the front brandishing a burger you’d have to dislocate your jaw to eat.

When I say he’s the face of meat patties, it’d be more accurate to say he’s the out-of-focus face of meat patties. The burger, for obvious reasons, is the item shown in pin-sharp detail.

But, hey, you’ve got to grab your opportunities with both hands and relish the moment. (Or, in his case, grab the burger with both hands and add some relish).

As part of the Meat: Stack ad campaign introducing their staff, he was asked to provide an interesting fact about himself.

He told me: ‘I was tempted to tell them that I appeared in my end-of-school yearbook under the page heading of: Most Likely to End Up Flipping Burgers for a Living.’

That’s my boy: Cheeky smile, cheeky comment, cheeky burger…