RICHARD ORD: Looking to scare people to death on Halloween? Dress like dad...

Evan Peters as Jeffrey Dahmer in the Netflix series Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story.

Turns out I’m a dead ringer for the current go-to frightmare individual… the long dead serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer.

That said, it’s not exactly the most complicated Halloween outfit on the market. Jeans, trainers, white T-shirt, unkempt hair and aviator spectacles. Gnawing on a severed human harm is optional.

What I consider relaxed weekend attire turns out to be the stuff of nightmares. Little wonder I’m not exactly a hit with the ladies! Still, free sweets!

‘This year Richard is rocking the bloodthirsty killer cannibal look. Not particularly a crowd-pleaser, but useful for getting a seat to yourself on the bus.’

When my children were younger, I regularly joined them on the October 31st sweet run dressed in Halloween garb. While the kids mixed things up, dressing as zombies, vampires, werewolves, etc, I fell back on my tried, trusted and wholly original outfit … the Ruud Gullit from Hell.

Big black coat, monster mask and a Ruud Gullit wig. It went down a treat.

And while my children may be older (Isaac, 18, and Brad, 21) they’re still into dressing up at Halloween. But they aren’t cruising the streets for confectionery these days… sweethearts, yes, sweets, no.

Our Brad went out as a blood-soaked zombie which had unintentional results. He couldn’t wash the fake blood off his skin which meant he had to turn up at work the next day still in horror mode. He was the blood-soaked burger-flipper of Leeds high street.

I asked him: ‘How did the customers react to your bloodied face and arms?’

He said: ‘I told them I just dealt with the last customer who complained.’

A good way to get a quiet night in the job when you think about it.

Though, much like Jeffrey Dahmer, you may well think twice about eating the food he offers.

And Isaac? Well, he went out in jeans, trainers, T-shirt and aviator glasses. The full Dahmer.

Which got me thinking. He effectively went out on Halloween to scare people looking like his dad. Not sure how I feel about that…