RICHARD ORD: King's Coronation quiche left me stumped

Asda pulls out all the stops give this particular branch that regal touch.

Cricket teas in my neck of the woods are approximately 60% mini sausage rolls with the rest a mix of crisps, Penguin biscuits, a pork pie and some not-so-readily identifiable sandwiches.

For those whose body is a temple… well, they don’t really play village cricket do they? Sometimes grapes are thrown into the mix, but only if you find them reduced at Morrisons on the Friday. This summer, however, I thought it might be a good idea to mix things up a bit and instead of rushing to the reduced section at Asda ahead of our first game, I’d rustle up a home-cooked team quiche for no other reason than it’s the official bait of King Charles III’s coronation and the recipe was in the paper.

For the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, a competition was organised to create a signature cake for the event. The winner was a giant seven-layer lemon Swiss roll and amaretti trifle featuring sweet sponge fingers soaked in sherry, fruit in gelatin and topped off with custard and cream.

It wasn’t made clear what the prize was for this winning entry, but a defibrillator and some dental treatment vouchers would seem appropriate.

For the King’s coronation, there would be no such frivolity. The King and his missus would decide what the people should eat. And they plumped for a quiche. I don’t know too much about the royals, but I do know that the Queen Consort left school with just one qualification. I hope it was GCSE home economics.

Armed with Camilla’s quiche recipe I headed out to get the ingredients. It didn’t go well. The egg shortage didn’t help (will they accept swan eggs?), but you try to get fresh tarragon in North Shields. Asda was decked out in King Charles flags and Union Jacks, but no tarragon. I was going to suggest that the royals may be out of touch with the people, but lard does feature heavily in the recipe.

I considered locating a tarragon alternative (they didn’t even have the dried stuff) but I was hit by another issue. I could get a flan tin, but no baking beans for blind baking the base. I tried all the usual high-end establishments (Asda, Home Bargains and Wickes) but to no avail.

No quiche for the cricketers then. As one famously dismissive royal once said: ‘Let them eat cake … and mini sausage rolls.’