RICHARD ORD: If only there were a way of making poop scooping cool

In my own small way I am playing a part in protecting the environment, but I am no Kate Middleton.

Friday, 5th November 2021, 6:21 pm
That's not what I think it is, is it? The Duchess of Cambridge with her hubby, the Duke.

As revealed in the press this week, the royal ‘cemented her eco-credentials’ by wearing an 18-month-old Eponine coat dress matched with £425 Rupert Sanderson heels she’d worn at least 12 times before.

Rather puts my DIY dog poo bags into perspective.

My nod towards saving the environment stretches to home-made dog poo bags fashioned from old newspapers.

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As I try to scoop a wobbling dollop of doggy do do into my bags without smearing excrement onto my fingers, my mind is drawn to the sacrifices being made by wor Kate and no doubt other royals.

If only we all wore clothing that’s more than a year old then the world would be in a much better place.

After reading of Kate’s sacrifice, I vowed to wear my shoes on more than 12 occasions. In fact, so moved was I by her selfless act that I ran to our wheelie bin and pulled out that pair of loafers I’d chucked out after only three visits to my feet. I’m sure I can eke out another 10 wears. Hell, I might wear them every day for a fortnight … it’s what the world needs right now.

The home-made dog poo bags haven’t gone down too well with my 17-year-old son. Not that our Isaac is a card-carrying climate change denier. Scooping poop, he informs me, is embarrassing.

That said, teenagers are pretty image conscious. Too image conscious. Running late for college one day, Isaac said he’d skip breakfast. I suggested he grab a banana and eat it on the go. He looked at me like I was a maniac. ‘What if someone sees me?’ he said.

‘Then they’d observe a boy eating a banana,’ I said. He shook his head and gave me a look of pity. ‘I am not eating a banana in the street.’

Our Isaac would rather go hungry than risk being dubbed ‘Banana Boy’ for the rest of his college days. Hence his refusal to pick up dog poo. Being saddled with the moniker ‘Dog Poo Boy’ would be too much to bear.

But what about the environment? Is it possible to make picking up canine excrement cool?

Perhaps if Kate Middleton could be pictured picking up the droppings of Her Majesty’s royal corgis using her £425 Rupert Sanderson shoes as makeshift poop scoops, cleaning up after dogs could be seen as cool.

Whether it would work is neither here nor there, but it’s the kind of eco-credential cementing I’d really love to see. Wouldn't you?