RICHARD ORD: Face facts - why some faces deserve to be covered

After months of being unable to see a dentist due to the pandemic you’d have thought people would welcome being told they have to wear a face-covering.

Wednesday, 15th July 2020, 12:00 am
Chancellor Rishi Sunak. Desperate times call for desperate measures, now hand me the office shotgun...

Some of those gnarled gnashers, courtesy of binge-eating chocolate biccies and glugging sweet coffee during lockdown, are not for public display.

It’s a pity compulsory wearing of hairnets wasn’t introduced too.

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Day 114 of lockdown, and available hairdressing appointment slots at a premium, there are some barnets that shouldn’t be seeing the light of day. Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s mop top being the prime example.

There is, not surprisingly, a reluctance to wear the facemask from some quarters.

I say ‘no surprisingly’ only because there is nothing these days that the public will not get angry about.

Strangely, it’s probably one of the only times we are taking our lead from the criminal fraternity.

Your bog standard bank robber is a shining example of the government’s stance on COVID-19 behaviour.

They always wear a face covering in enclosed spaces. Social distancing is also important to the bank robber. “Move away from that alarm or I’ll blow yer ‘ed off” being a frequent and insistent request.

And, most importantly, they’re not ones for seeing cash just sitting gathering dust in bank vaults.

Chancellor Rishi Sunak, for one, will be impressed at the urgency your average robber displays in getting people’s savings back into circulation.

If Rishi’s half -price dining scheme fails to kickstart the economy, he and his exchequer pals may have to start digging out the sawn off shotguns and balaclavas from the Treasury store cupboard and taking matters into their own hands. Stranger things have happened.

Personally, I welcome the introduction of face masks. Not only do they hide a multitude of molar imperfection as well as safeguard people’s health, but when you encounter a particularly rude receptionist or awkward bus driver you can stick your tongue out at them and they’ll be none the wiser.

It’s the little things that make a big difference ...