CHILDLINE ADVICE: Top tips on talking to your children about online dangers

While our children have grown up as social natives, where social media is commonplace and ‘likes’ are a prized commodity, it can be more challenging for us as parents and carers to understand what is going on in their world.

Even though lockdown has seen parents and kids using the internet together, doing things like making videos together on Tik Tok, NSPCC research from 2019 showed that only 23% of parents ‘frequently’ discussed online safety with their children.

Young people are especially struggling with their wellbeing at the moment. Every week since lockdown started, Childline has delivered over 2,000 counselling sessions with children concerned about their mental health and emotional wellbeing – totalling nearly 17,000 over 7 weeks.

Many children have mentioned that they turn to the online world for comfort when they feel down, doing things like playing games and using social media sites. This is usually ok, but unfortunately some children struggle to separate their online world from their real-life world.

As an example, when they’re growing up, we often encourage our children to talk to people at school and make friends. We promote the idea that it’s good to socialise with others, and children often trust people they meet far easier. However, some children may start to replicate this behaviour online, especially when they aren’t out and about and meeting new people in the real world. One girl told Childline:

“There’s this boy I’ve been messaging, he keeps asking quite personal questions. He wants to meet but I don’t know him.”

This example highlights just how important it is to talk to our children about what they’re doing online, who they’re talking to, and what information they shouldn’t share. It’s also crucial to avoid the approach of banning all technology, as this could discourage your child from being open and honest about what they’re doing online.

Instead, talking to your child about their online world, in the same way you would talk about a school day, may encourage them to be more open about what they use and how they use it, especially if something goes wrong.

One girl spoke to Childline after a previous counselling session, where she was encouraged to speak to a trusted adult about what had happened to her: “I downloaded an app where I sent and was blackmailed with nudes, I spent weeks feeling so guilty but then I told my sister and my dad who still loved me.”

But how are you supposed work with your child about their online world? Here are some of our top tips, using the acronym; TEAM.

T is for Talk. Talk to your child about their favourite apps, what they use them for, and who they are friends with. Approach it as a conversation where you show interest, rather than a conversation where you’re trying to catch them out for doing something wrong.

E is for Explore. Now you know their favourite apps, or if they get a new device, explore it with them. Use the NSPCC and O2’s website, NetAware, to see what the app can be used for, whether that’s something like live streaming, direct messaging, or posting images.

A is for Agree. You’ve explored the app with your child, now agree what the boundaries are. Perhaps you help them to change their privacy settings so that they control who sees what they put online, or decide between you how long they can spend on that app per day.

M is for Manage. Put those boundaries you’ve discussed in place, and make sure you continue to have regular conversations about your child’s online world.

For more advice, visit the NetAware site, or if you are worried about your child you can call the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or email [email protected]. Children can contact Childline for free on 0800 1111.