CHILDLINE ADVICE: How a new birth can affect your family and older children

Welcoming a new baby, from pregnancy through to birth and early years, can mean all sorts of change for the family, be it financial changes, emotional changes and the impact on a household can’t be underestimated. Often, it’s far more challenging than we give ourselves credit for. During this time, parents tend to focus on the new-born. Not only can this be exhausting, but it can mean that older children struggle without the parental attention they are used to.

Childline receives many contacts, especially through the online message boards, from children whose parents have just had a baby. These messages range from excitement of a new sibling, through to jealousy, and many tell us how they’re finding having a baby in the home quite stressful.

One girl told Childline:

“I do my best to help my mum with pretty much everything, but my baby brother constantly cries. I haven't had a good night’s sleep for ages. I can't imagine how awful and sleep deprived my mum must be, but I’m also angry at him for crying.”

Here, the girl is clearly becoming frustrated and upset. These kinds of feelings can have a huge impact on children and it is important that we find ways to help them express themselves and work through their feelings by doing something like painting, running, or even talking to a Childline counsellor.

Especially now, when lots of children are at home when they would normally be at school, families can find themselves stuck inside a pressure cooker. This is taking a toll on children in many ways, potentially bringing our feelings of anger and worry

Even with a new baby, it’s important to maintain a close relationship with your other child or children, and make sure that they are still getting the support they need from you as a parent. Make time to talk to them about how they feel with a new baby in the house, and listen to what they say patiently.

You can also signpost them to the Childline website. Here, they can access the message boards and talk to children who are experiencing similar things. These are fully moderated by Childline staff, and mean that children can talk safely to one another about things they have in common, and even offer each other advice and support.

Through the website, children can also get in touch with a Childline counsellor with a 1-2-1 chat, or by writing a letter to Sam. A counsellor can talk them through how they’re feeling, and suggest ways that they can help themselves to feel better and cope with what’s going on. Sam replies to letters with written advice. Both methods allow the child to talk to someone independent of their household, and receive advice on how they can look after their wellbeing.

If a child is feeling lonely when parents are spending more time with a baby, it may be worth encouraging them to call family or friends over things like video calls. They might want to do a virtual colouring session with a grandparent or a game of charades with friends from school.

Parenting can be rewarding, but it can also be challenging. For support and advice, you can visit the ‘Support for parents’ section on the NSPCC website, and contact the NSPCC helpline for free on 0808 800 5000 or email [email protected] to speak to a trained counsellor.