Chaotic jet exits are the best entertainment Boeing can offer

​Not, I hasten to add, as a main dish of the day, but just something appropriate to munch on while I sit back goggle-eyed at the spectacle of holidaymakers disembarking upon landing.

What is the rush? Is there a medal for first off the plane? Honestly, you’d think the cabin crew were going to set dogs on everyone.

Just a minute earlier, most passengers are either sedately looking out the window as the ground rushes by, or gripping the hand of the person next to them while crossing their heart with the other muttering heartfelt pleas to God, wondering if that one time they gave loose change to a street beggar in 1986 might help their chances of being spared. At least that’s my take on it.

But as soon as the wheels touch down and the reverse thrusters are engaged, the attention shifts from gratitude for a safe landing to becoming hell-bent on breaking free from their seats. The tension in the air is palpable.

All eyes switch from windows to the illuminated seatbelt sign above our heads. The captain on landing invariably takes to the Tannoy to thank everyone for their patience, give a brief outline of the local temperature (always cold) and request that passengers remain seated with their seatbelts fastened until the plane comes to a stop. That last bit is always a little difficult to hear above the clicking sound of seatbelts being unfastened.

The tension rises. Those in the aisle seats grip the chair in front and, like Olympic sprinters awaiting the crack of the starter pistol, strain every sinew in readiness to explode from the blocks.

For some, it’s too much. One man on our flight was up, pushed into action by his impatient wife, before the plane had stopped moving. This prompted another to leap from his chair and head for the exit. He nearly made it, too.

Instead, a still-seated flight attendant pointed him back down the aisle, his eyes fearfully scanning left to right, presumably keeping an eye out for the rabid attack dogs.

When the ‘bong’ sounded to indicate we could all unfasten our seatbelts, the race was on. Overhead lockers crashed open, bags were hauled down, suitcase zippers rasped like chainsaws - I spotted at least two stray holdalls catching the unsuspecting bonces of still-seated passengers - the majority were up, jostling for position in the aisle and then… nothing. Another wait in the aisle until the cabin doors were open. Then whoosh, everyone was racing off past the crew nodding them off, their rictus grins barely able to contain the relief of seeing the back of this feral lot.

If only we’d had a bucket of popcorn to enjoy as we watched this panicked disembarkation. Just as entertaining as any inflight movie, that’s for sure.

The whole spectacle was only matched, as we slowly gathered our belongings and leisurely made our way to the exit, by the looks on the faces of those impatient passengers who, after racing to get off the plane, were forced to wait on the shuttle bus for us to join them. Priceless.