'I've seen the future of dog poop scooping... and it's a blast!'

Hold that thought. Hold it. And… I didn’t hasten to add, purely for comic effect, I wasn’t talking about me. I’m talking about the two beagles I’m presently looking after.

Yep, the highlight of the day (and it is a once-in-a-blue-moon event. Somewhere between finding a fiver in an old pair of jeans and Halley’s Comet tearing across the sky) is when they poop at the same time.

I see it as a portent of good things to come. If they do it near a dog bin, well, life doesn’t get any better.

And, of course, it’s good for you. Two simultaneous dumps means two poos in one bag. Less plastic choking sea turtles. I’m saving your planet. You can thank me later.

Actually, I guess you can thank the dogs. Send them a present. Make it food and they’ll love you forever. Well, forever, if you feed them forever. As soon as they realise the food has run out, you’ll be dead to them.

Beagles, I’ve discovered, are not the most loving of dogs. They live to eat. No food, no love. They live in the moment.

They are loyal, however, but only to snacks.

Anyway, having to look after my current-life partner’s beagles (Dudley and Lola, in case you were wondering how to address the gift card) made me realise that we haven’t advanced much in the world of dog poo removal.

In under a hundred years we went from the first manned plane flight to a rocket to the moon.

In the centuries of dog ownership we’ve gone from not picking up their droppings, to scooping them into a little carrier bag with our hands and sticking them in a bin.

Perhaps if that one small step for man was to tread in a steaming pile of dog poop, things might have been different.

There are contraptions on the market for picking up dog dirt. Some are like extendable grabber hands and others, like the Silver Dirt Devil Dogwalker BD11000V Pooper Scooper, are electric powered vacuum guns that suck up the offending mess.

I suspect they may be more trouble than they’re worth, given that I’ve yet to see any of these machines out in public. Maybe if they made them look cooler, people would be more tempted to buy them. Chrome them up and put them in a holster, with a leather poo bag bullet belt, and you could have the cool look of a bounty hunter from the future. Right up until you quick draw your ‘blaster’ and point it at a pile of dog mess.

I’d be looking for a double-barrelled version for those rare ‘lucky’ twin evacuations. The super dooper double poop shotgun.

If someone could invent one, I’d buy it in a heartbeat. Because really, can you put a price on joy? (Or a twin beagle bowel movement?)