I tried the Surfers Against Sewage 'Dip a Day' challenge and screamed the house down

Of course, the Dip a Day part of the campaign refers to a daily cold water dip - and not a pot of glutinous relish to be spooned into your gaping maw with a sliced carrot.

It is a kind of fundraising protest, awareness campaign and bit of ‘fun’ all rolled into one that rails against the pollution of our waterways.

As I live a toilet roll’s throw from the sea, I felt duty bound to support this excellent cause.

Within minutes of the campaign being launched, I’d scanned the important bits of the documentation and signed up. The important bits were - and these aren’t necessarily in order of importance - 1. That your contribution will help towards shaming those multi-national companies who pour their poison into the precious waters so beloved of ordinary British citizens; 2. There’s no entry fee, and 3. You get a free t-shirt.

The only expectation/hope from the organisers is that you take a dip a day in cold water and get some sponsorship to help fund their cause. Easy.

As a man brimming with good intentions, this all seemed like a great personal challenge from which I’d learn a lot about myself while doing something worthwhile for a good cause. That was two months ago.

When the first day of October finally arrived and I was expected to take my first dip in the sea, my true character, like an unpleasant soiling in the sea, began to surface. My good intentions were draining faster than a sewage overflow outlet in the rain.

I checked out the window to see that there was definitely a nip in the air and the water looked a bit choppy.

‘Hmm, not safe for a first dip,’ I thought and rescanned the Dip a Day rules.

Turns out if it’s not safe to venture out into the sea, a cold shower is an acceptable alternative. Thank you Surfers Against Sewage organisers.

I took a cold shower. And screamed the house down. I was under the shower for, oh, 43 seconds. That was day one sorted.

Day two, I tried again. It was worse. More screaming, 22 seconds.

Day three, I made up my own rule. No cold shower, but a cold splash of water in my face.

Day four, I drank a glass of cold water.

We’re now onto day 15 of the dip a day challenge. I’m dipping a slice of carrot in hummus. Every little helps. I know what you’re thinking. He’s weak! And maybe you’re right… but the hummus is cold.

NOTE: I shall be donating £30 to the campaign. And you can too. Go to www.sas.org.uk and give generously. Far less painful than actually dipping in that freezing hellscape they call the sea.