After the game on Sunday my fellow layabouts and I repaired to our usual haunt for one of our top-level meetings.
Top of the agenda was what music should be played at the Stadium of Light, if and when Sunderland ever win there.
Clearly, the tune selection at full-time is the matter of gravest importance at the moment.
Well it’s a preferable conversational topic to the actual football.
When their team doesn’t win, egressing Sunderland supporters are treated to the 1962 instrumental Green Onions, by the popular beat combo Booker T and the MGs.
Egressing Sunderland supporters have heard Green Onions many, many, many times.
It’s a fine twelve-bar composition, notable for its chord progression.
But no piece of music can maintain public appreciation with this level of repetition.
The club must have some other available gramophone records.
When Sunderland do win at home, they blast out Lerner and Loewe’s I’m On My Way from their musical Paint Your Wagon.
Well apparently they do. Our thanks to the Sunderland Antiquarian Society for this information.
I respectfully recommend a change in the event of beating Millwall on 18 November (well, it could happen).
You see, the lyrics of I’m On My Way are adapted to contain something about reaching the Premier League.
A win over Millwall (well, it could happen) would be more than welcome, but highly unlikely to herald an abrupt surge to promotion. So that song is out.
So what to play after the next home win (I’m telling you, it could happen)?
I think there’s a better song in Paint Your Wagon; namely Hand Me Down That Can o’ Beans; although I have to concede that it isn’t especially relevant.
However, there is another number in the production called There’s a Coach Comin’ In. That could work because it’s usually true.
But what if Millwall aren’t beaten (because we haven’t entirely discounted this possibility either)?
Suggestions from Sunday evening include Help!, Hearts and Flowers (that’s the sad violin music they use on cartoons) and Stevie Wonder’s anthemic Heaven Help Us All.
What would you pick? Let us know please and keep your ideas as juvenile and uncharitable as possible.