Breaking good news. John Motson has not died, he’s merely retiring. You may have thought otherwise from the gush we’ve been hearing since his earth-shattering announcement.
Yes, after 278 years as a commentator he has finally decided to hang up his clichés.
Typical of the absurd overestimation of the man’s passable ability to carry out one of the world’s cushiest jobs was from his colleague Jonathan Pearce.
He slavered: “He is the doyenne. He is the master of football commentators. His tactical knowledge, his historical knowledge ... blah, blah, blah.”
BBC viewers will have months of this before Motson finally leaves; so brace yourself.
I actually don’t mind the man and wish him well.
But the departure from our screens of an unremarkable bloke who is about as difficult to replace as a spark plug is unlikely to send many bottom lips a quivering.