Regular listeners to Sunderland commentaries on BBC Radio Newcastle will be familiar with the opinions of a chirpy former centre-back.
The upbeat badinage of Gary “Agenn-Ah’m-Finkin’-Ow-Many-Times” Bennett is pervaded with opinion; a good many of which I happen to agree with.
One anathema of his, shared by any right thinking person, is footballers wearing gloves.
To be even-handed about it, we have helpfully provided the following comprehensive list of legitimate reasons why such garb may be worn.
l You’re playing in goal.
l That’s it.
Do you remember snoods? They were rightly derided and eventually banned by the International FA six years ago.
Some feeble defence was spouted about their supposed benefits, but as it emanated from snood manufacturers rather than from medical experts it didn’t convince.
The truth is that certain foppish footballers thought – very, very wrongly – that the snood made them cut a dash and appear cool. There was no other plausible reason for wearing them.
So it is with gloves. It can only be a posing affectation for the non-goalie to wear them on the field of play.
A professional footballer who runs even half of the distance expected of him will not have cold hands.
Gloves suggest a statement of non-intent; the non-intention to keep automatically warm with sheer work-rate.
Moreover, bare knuckles would enable Papy Djilobodji to punch opponents with far more efficacy.
There is a serious side to this. The glove wearers are sending out a distinct and welcome message to opponents: “I’m a bit soft, I am.”
It also antagonises spectators, and not just Gary Bennett, before a game has even kicked off.
Sunderland fans are feeling enough antagonism already. So please Mr Moyes; have a word about gloves.
In fact ban them, ban them, ban them, ban them...