Recently the council put through my door its Community News magazine – a publication designed to celebrate the best in our city, and inform the public of recent developments.
I opened it and among the articles, I was surprised to read that the city had just purchased a beach-rake, at a cost of £39,400! Imagine my surprise! Here I was thinking that austerity was so bad that we had no money for anything (except bridges, Roker Pods and foreign trees).
Why on earth would anyone think that we were short of money if we sent to America for such a gleaming, high-tech piece of kit, instead of paying some poor employed person a few pounds an hour to go around with a sack and a litter picker?
No, clearly sparkling white sand is a high priority for the city, and I can’t wait to see the distinguished members of our council arranged on the beach in summer, on one of the five sunny days we have each year, getting a tan, looking not in the least like beached whales.
Obviously, we mustn’t be paying them much, being in a state of austerity, so they can’t afford foreign holidays and will have to stay here at home like the rest of us.