The nights are getting darker and Halloween is almost here, which means there’s no better time to watch some scary movies.
But don’t waste your time with the rancid modern remakes - if you want some real chills, take a trip back to the heyday of horror and watch some 1980s originals!
The acting may be awful and plots may be putrid but for gloriously gruesome fun you can’t beat a scary movie from the era of leg-warmers and big hair.
To raise spirits even further, keep an eye out for the following clichés and take a swig of witches’ brew whenever any of them appear on screen (which they inevitably will).
You know you’re in an ’80s horror movie when ...
• A sinister, evil-looking doll is considered an appropriate gift for a child.
• The killer is able to sneak up on you because you’re listening to ’80s metal on your Sony Walkman.
• The bullies planning to do you wrong at school look to be well into their 20s, if not 30s.
• The phone call is coming from inside the house.
• You can’t close a bathroom medicine cabinet without something evil appearing in the mirror behind you.
• You’re the least popular person in school but the most attractive boy/girl in school invites you to the prom anyway.
• You’re certain the killer is about to jump out at you ... but it turns out to be a cat.
• The zombies are shambling, not running.
• The police are bumbling.
• You can jump through a window and fall three stories while escaping a madman without getting a scratch.
• Your secret sibling was born, or had something really bad happen to them, on a notable day like Valentine’s Day or April Fool’s Day.
• Your friends have all been hacked to pieces, but you’re still in the mood for some loving.
• John Carpenter is playing a synthesizer on the soundtrack.
• You wish mobile phones had been invented.
• A crazy old man warns you not to go somewhere or do something, but you do it anyway.
• The killer can travel great distances in seconds while walking at a leisurely pace.
• Your friend leaves you alone to find help when the best idea is obviously to stick together.
• Your parents send you to summer camp.
• You can summon demons by playing heavy metal albums backwards.
• You pick up the phone and the line is dead.
• The more dangerous things get, the less clothes you’re wearing.
• An abandoned, evil-looking school/log cabin/insane asylum seems like the ideal place for a party.
• The shadow creeping up on you behind the shower curtain turns out to be a loved one playing a prank.
• The house you want to buy is suspiciously cheap.
• You’re Jamie Lee Curtis.
• Your car stops working at the worst time possible … until you swear at it or hit it, then it starts working again.
• You’ve got a promiscuous friend, a zany friend, an overweight friend and a nice-guy friend (and that’s the order they’ll die in).
• You go back into the house to rescue the dog.
• Your parents keep a handy shoebox full of old newspaper clippings that explain everything.
• No matter what they’ve seen with their own eyes, the authority figures still won’t believe you.
• You’re sure you’re safe, but the killer has one last shock in store.
• It was all just a dream.