Richard Ord: Black Friday leads to Threadbare Tuesday

My wife did just that and pocketed the 4p. She’s nothing if not thrifty.

Due to a job change, my wife and I decided that there would be a role reversal in Christmas shopping.

And by “my wife and I decided” I do, of course, mean “my wife decided”, but I bet you knew that already.

A bit like that time when my wife and I decided that I should ‘cut down on drinking, socialising and pretty much anything I would generally call fun’. She had that added to the wedding vows.

This year it was decided, I would do the bulk of the Christmas shopping, a role normally carried out by my wife, while she would perform my duties. Those, around Christmas time, usually involve lot of deliveries. Not cards, or presents, but withering put downs.

I have to say she’s pretty good at it. My shopping skills, however, leave a lot to be desired. My usual modus operandi when it comes to buying Christmas gifts is from the ‘leave it as late as possible’ school of purchasing and ‘trust to luck’ consumer methodology. And given I would usually only have my wife to buy for, it didn’t usually end well.

You could spot me on Christmas Eve commando rolling under the falling shutters of Boots at closing time and grabbing anything pink off the shelves.

On Boxing Day I would be commando rolling back through the rising shutters of Boots to return the gifts. The only difference to the casual observer would be the direction of the shutters and my newly acquired black eye.

This year, with me doing the majority of the shopping, I was sent out early to get the presents. Black Friday was where the deals were to be had. I raced into town, with a head full of ideas.

My two boys had emailed me a list of goods they wanted. Our youngest, Isaac, 13, had thoughtfully provided a illustrated Christmas list with photos of the goods and the pay off line of “and some Christmas Day surprises please.” Would he class renting his room out to students to pay for his long list of presents as a Christmas Day surprise?

Anyway, I raced into town and slalomed my way through the painfully slow-moving crowds and into sports shop to buy the first of the goodies on the list.

I presented the goods. She asked for £30 and I realised I had forgotten my credit card!

I had the grand total of £30 in cash. I bought the goods and had no choice but to return home. To add insult to injury, the gift wasn’t even in the Black Friday deals.

My wife and I, I’m sure, will laugh about this in years to come. If she ever finds me.