CHILDLINE ADVICE: How to help you child banish low self-esteem

Here at Childline, we’re seeing how portrayals of ‘confidence’ in the media, in school, and even in families is having a substantial impact on children. Last year, there was a 90% increase in calls to Childline to discuss issues surrounding confidence, with mental and emotional health concerns making up more than 71,000 calls to the service.

Of the children who contact us to talk about confidence issues, many of them say that their low self-esteem is rooted in comparing themselves to others, and feeling not good enough as a result.

This can manifest from physical features like body image and clothing, right through to academic ability and self-worth. There are so many ways in which children draw comparisons against others.

One reason for this increase could be the rise of social media, and how it is becoming more image based than ever before, with Instagram and TikTok at the forefront. Social media has become an art gallery of perfect people, and this is really having an impact on children and teens. One girl told Childline:

“I struggle so badly with my self-esteem. Everyone online seems to be prettier, smaller, and skinnier than me.”

A couple of weeks ago, I spoke in this column about how it’s easy for children to think that the online world reflects the real world. In this case, many of the people they see in images online, whether friends or celebrities, could be edited.

In this case, you can talk to your child about how they view social media, and encourage them to be comfortable in their own bodies. But what if it’s not just online? One boy told Childline:

“I got fairly good GCSE grades, mainly As and A*s, but I know I could have done better, and a lot of people I am around in college got much higher than me”

This young person is still struggling with confidence, but in a different way. However, it’s still based on comparison. In reality, A’s and A*’s are fantastic grades, but as this boy is comparing himself to those who did better, he may be lacking in confidence.

It seems like the issue is external, and that we can’t take away the idea of comparison. But actually, there are ways of improving our children’s’ confidence meaning that they don’t turn to comparison so easily.

One of the easiest things you can do to help a child with confidence is be there to support them. Compliment your child on their behaviour and actions when they have done something well, and encourage them to make note of things they are proud of. This could be through something like a journal.

By encouraging them to pick up on things they like about themselves, it can really encourage their self-esteem, and help promote a positive outlook. Even if it is one thing a day they’ve done well, or have been grateful for, it could really benefit their overall happiness and confidence.

If your child is very visual or tactile, it could also be useful to have something physical to encourage confidence. Something as simple as a bright red coat or a new hair style can help a child know how to hold their head high.

A few little changes like this can help your child banish low self-esteem, and build a confident and happy young person.

For more tips, visit the Childline Website