Alison Goulding: ‘The happiness of being right’

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TWITTER is as lethal as cocktails for bringing out our inner smartypants.

Georgia Ford from South Shields went online last Sunday and innocently tapped out: “Is Wimbledon always held in London?”

You could have heard a pin drop in cyberspace as thousands suddenly realised that a person had asked a question which demonstrated a lack of geographical understanding WHICH THEY KNEW THE ANSWER TO!!!

They couldn’t hide their glee as they rolled around on the floor in rapture.

As Murray bombed, their souls soared and they relished the feeling of knowing something that someone else did not know AND having the medium of Twitter to point out that they knew where Wimbledon was!

And Georgia Ford didn’t!

Miss Ford did a great national service to those disdainful Twitterers, she gave them pure happiness.

The happiness of being right, and calling someone else stupid.

Except Georgia Ford isn’t stupid. She isn’t a ‘twit’ or a ‘dimwit’ as The Sun newspaper called her, which is on the rich end of the scale if you ask me.

She’s just a person who didn’t twig that the name of the competition is linked to its postcode.

Still, we should probably stone her anyway, just to be on the safe side.

As blood pours from her we can gather around chanting the names of other places where events happen that are named after the place where they happen. Glastonbury! Burghley! Badminton!

It’ll be great, honestly, we’ll laugh so much we’ll probably get indigestion.

I don’t know where Wimbledon is either, so I belong next to Georgia.

This will bother me the day that PR staff stop ringing me up to ask if Sunderland is near Manchester or Norway.

Fortunately for Georgia, public opinion is now lumbering into a steady U-turn.

One gentleman pointed out that before 1965 Wimbledon was held in Surrey, so it was not such a silly question after all.

And another added “you’re not stupid if you don’t know, you’re stupid if you don’t ask!”

Rather than leaving the original cyber bullies shamefaced, said bullies can simply delete their scornful tweets.

Then they can retweet something connected to rehoming puppies, feel much better and forget it ever happened.

But what has become of Georgia Ford? Her Twitter account has now been closed and we have to assume she’s gibbering in a cave somewhere.

If someone goes and fetches her she could be reborn as a social networking Socrates.

After all, he once said: “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”

Ancient Greece is one thing but he wouldn’t last five minutes on Facebook admitting things like that. Thicko.