Longhorns is, in short, unashamedly gluttonous.
This is a place which makes no bones about its love of meat and there’s not a sniff of salad or faddy wheatgrass shot in sight.
And it’s this fuss-free approach to grub that’s helped make it the talk of the Toon.
Such has been its success at a small site in Mosley Street in the city centre, that it’s branched out to Jesmond where it’s overtaken a large two-storey site at The Courtyard, just off Osborne Road.
Its proximity to a residential area led to complaints about the wafts of smoked meats, so they now have to smoke off site. But the fug still fills the air enough to get your mouth watering.
Everything’s back to basics here: the battered cutlery wouldn’t look out of place on a camping site and there’s kitchen roll on every table for sticky digits. But the lack of airs and graces adds to its charm, which is more Wild West than dainty dining.
You’re encouraged to get stuck in here. The menu’s a concise meat-lover’s paradise of brisket, patties, dogs, burgers and barbecue boards. I chose the smoked house patty (£8.50), a double burger with cheese.
It was a dense ‘proper’ burger that oozed flavour, unlike the flaccid patties served up at chain burger joints.
I chose a side order of hog rind (£3) that were tooth-crackingly crisp and formed a value-for-money mound on the canteen-style tray on which your beast of a dish is served.
If you’re still not full, there’s a sweet things menu to tempt you further.
Like the main meal menu, it doffs its cap to foods across the Pond and features cookie dough pie, Key lime pie and Reese’s pieces cheescake, amongst other sweet treats.
We chose to share an Oreo cookie brownie sandwich (£5). It was a veritable doorstop of a pud: a thick slab of gooey chocolate studded with chunks of Oreo biscuits sandwiching ice cream.
It was screaming out to be demolished and we made a valiant attempt. Deliciously rich in flavour, it defeated us after our supersize mains.
Nothing goes better with meat-chomping than beer-swilling, and they have that too in locally-brewed draught beer kegs and cask ales, which start at £3.50 a pint.
Your waistline may pay the price, rather than your purse, but it’s worth leaving your diet at the door for this temptress of calorie consumption.