Tony Gillan: Andre Marriner and Alan Green fail to dampen Sunderland victory

Patrick van Aanholt
Patrick van Aanholt
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Saturday’s victory over Leicester was all the more remarkable as it had to endure the twin afflictions of Andre Marriner, the most inept referee in the history of the Premier League; and Alan Green, the most annoying broadcaster since Lord Haw-Haw.

Andre tried manfully to uphold his unstinting incompetence over years of ruining Sunderland games.

He didn’t quite ruin the game, but had a jolly good go by failing to award a penalty that was beyond “nailed on.” The nails were nailed on. A clear foul by Danny Simpson on Patrick van Aanholt.

It wasn’t just that. Andre had a poor afternoon all round. So it was one of his best ever displays.

BBC Television sent the egomaniac “Goodness Gracious” Green to burble on the fixture; presumably because, unlike when he is inflicted on radio listeners, Match of the Day doesn’t require co-commentators and no one wants to sit next to him.

Gibberish from the worst commentator ever to wear headphones included: “Jermain Defoe has scored the second goal that emphatically means that Sunderland are going to beat the champions.”

If Alan thinks that a two goal lead with a minimum of 13 minutes remaining means “game over” then he can’t have been paying much attention down the years.

He certainly can’t know much about Sunderland.

Still; it’s nice that Andre and Alan, in their own maladroit way, are wholly reliable.