Every TV crimebuster has to have a hook – an instantly recognisable catchphrase, eye-catching accessory or look that sets them apart from the rest.
Kojak had all three. A bald head, lollipop and the catchphrase "who loves ya baby?"
We've also, through the years, had the likes of Petrocelli (lawyer/housebuilder), Ironside (confined to a wheelchair), Starsky and Hutch (a stripy car), Columbo (d
irty mac), Jonathan Creek (magic tricks) and Poirot (a stupid moustache), to name but a few.
But is there a new kid on the block? The crimebusting MP?
Step forward Inspector Hodgson of the Yard.
Washington MP Sharon Hodgson featured in the Echo after stepping in to help investigate a bogus magazine con targeting Wearside businesses.
And I was delighted to see she's taken inspiration from the world's greatest fictional detective Sherlock Holmes … and armed herself with a large magnifying glass.
She was cruelly branded "the thickest" MP in the Commons by one political rival recently, but our photo puts pay to that unwarranted slur.
How soon before she goes the whole Sherlock hog and is pictured in a deerstalker, puffing on a pipe?
Elementary my dear Hodgson
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For his ninth birthday last year our eldest son Bradley received a mobile phone from his grandparents.
Within a few days he was gunning me down with it (the phone has a machine gun sound setting), playing football games on it, and listening to his favourite tunes through it.
He seemed genuinely surprised some time later to find it could be used to communicate with other phone users.
It's certainly not the reason he wanted one.
We encouraged him to text his pals, but under the strict rule that he spelled out all the words correctly and paid close attention to his grammar. We didn't want the foundations of his literacy skills eroded by lazy text speak.
Turns out we were wrong.
According to researchers at the University of Coventry, rather than destroying their ability to write proper, like wot we does, kids who are fluent in text speak could be showing superior literacy skills.
Call me a cynic, if you wish, but isn't this yet another vague counter-intuitive report to be given unwarranted credence by people who should know better?
It reminds me of other wobbly claims like drinking wine is good for your heart, chocolate cures depression and sucking on the exhaust pipe of a running car relieves asthma. (Okay the last one may have been made up, but you get the drift.)
Can the positive encouragement of misspelling words and replacing letters with numbers really be a sign of advanced literary skills?
And if so, would the experts paid to carry out this flimsy phone research care to explain why my son uses the recorded sounds of people breaking wind on his mobile as an early morning alarm call?
Give these academics enough cash and I'm sure they'll come back with a report revealing it shows he has a superior ear for music.
Wot a load of complete Rs (Rs being text shorthand for reports, of course).
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With academics like those described above it's going to be a tough future for our boys, not helped by the nuggets of knowledge passed on by their mother.
Turning up the kitchen radio, she informed our boys that "This is probably the most famous festive song of all" as White Christmas filled the air.
"It's called White Christmas," she told them, "and it's sung by a famous singer called Bean Crosby."
"It's Bing," I interrupted "... Bing Crosby."
"Bean," she insisted. "But it's pronounced Bing."
"Yes boys," I added. "He and Bib Hoop were a great comedy double act."
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