Given the uproar over the fate of Marcus the lamb at a Kent school, you'd have thought the pupils were going to slaughter wee beast in the playground.
Imagine the school timetable: English; double maths; butchering the school lamb with a foot long hunting knife; RE with Mrs Matheson …
Marcus, however, was out-bleated by animal rights protesters crying foul over Lydd Primary School head teacher Andrea Charman's heinous plan to educate children about farming and the food chain.
The creature was hand-reared by the pupils with the aim of showing how animals are kept, cared for and then ultimately killed, cooked and served up with chips and peas.
Animal lovers were, naturally, quick to react, but the animal protection charity Peta rather spoiled any rational debate on the subject.
They demanded the programme be shut down and the school concentrate on teaching the children that animals feel pain, fear, joy and love. Love! Really? The spokesman for animal protection charity Peta even accused the school of "betraying" Marcus.
The sheep love concept is one for the courts, but can an animal really be betrayed? If so, can they harbour grudges? Farmers better watch their backs if they can. "Look out, Daisy's got a knife."
What Peta fails to grasp is that the school programme is probably the best advert for their cause.
Most young children do not make the link between the cuddly lamb gambolling in the field and the mint sauce covered chop on their dinner plate.
By directly confronting children with the reality of what awaits the animal they have lovingly reared, the school is giving youngsters the opportunity to make up their own minds. Do they love animals enough to save them from the abattoir or not?
Perhaps Peta's real gripe is over the fact that when confronted with this choice, the children on the school council voted to have Marcus slaughtered, by 13 votes to one.
To add insult to injury, they opted to use any money made from the sale of Marcus burgers to buy some pigs, not because they love the little porkers, but because they love sausages.
The Peta campaigners must, like Marcus, have been absolutely gutted.
---------------------------------------
One Sunderland surgeon has been wading his way through gallons of wobbling fat in last 12 months … and none of it for charity.
It sounds like a Comic Relief stunt but beleaguered Sunderland Royal Hospital surgeon Peter Small has performed more than 700 operations on obese patients in the last year, fitting gastric bands, balloons and doing intricate intestine bypasses.
Surgeon Small with a plastic stomach
It's an incredible statistic and highlights the serious nature of the city's obesity problems.
And how galling for the patients, many of whom will be tipping the scales at more than 20 stone, to be sent to Mr Small to deal with their large problem.
---------------------------------------
First Jackson, then Swayze, now Floyd. Seriously, can't someone stop these celebrity deaths?
If they continue to die at the current rate, within 40 years more than half of the celebrities we worship today will be dead. I am not joking. I did the maths.
No Forsyth, no Wogan, no Lynam and, brace yourself, … even Chris Evans and Chris Moyles aren't safe.
We'll be left with only the young ones like Holly Willoughby, Fearne Cotton and Dermot O'Leary … and even then there are no guarantees.
No Katie Price … perish the thought. A world without Kerry Katona! Can't someone stop this madness? I tell you, no good will come of it.
And remember: if it can happen to famous people who's to say it can't happen to us.
* Praise the Lord then for Anne Robinson and her death-defying, age-repellent face. She'll never leave our screens. By 2049, she should look about 12.
-----------------------------------
What shall we call the new bridge due to span the River Wear?
It was dubbed the Iconic bridge for some time to distinguish it from the other plain one that no-one really wanted.
Now agreement has been reached to build the pointy one, it will need a name.
Sunderland City Council leader Paul Watson nipped in early with "The People's Bridge."
It's not a bad stab, though it probably owes a lot to Lady Di who was dubbed the People's Princess. Given the manner of her untimely death (can't they put a stop to these celebrity deaths?) it's probably not an ideal choice.
The last bridge designed by architect Stephen Spence (the designer of our bridge) was built in Stockton and named the Infinity Bridge. It's a mightily impressive name for a bridge, particularly one of a finite length. Calling it the 425ft 7ins Long Bridge wouldn't have had the same ring, but would have been closer to the truth.
Tradition says we should adopt the name of the river it spans (Tyne Bridge), the way it's designed (Clifton Suspension Bridge) or the city where it resides (London Bridge).
Personally I believe we should move away from tradition and go for something more informal. Why not call our bridge Derek?
There, I've thrown my hat in to the ring. Derek the bridge. Can you do better? All suggestions gratefully received. I'll print the best next week …
