Two minutes into Quidam and you're aware that this is no ordinary circus. No sawdust, no ringmaster, no clown in an exploding car – just a headless man with a brolly and an army of cartwheeling chemical workers.

Quidam is the circus for those who drink tea with their little finger extended. If it had a beard it would be stroking it thoughtfully.

If Chipperfield is the Rolf Harris of circuses, Cirque Du Soleil is the Salvador Dali. Barnum's Big Mac to Quidam's Fat Duck. Panto to Swan Lake.

The aforementioned headless man gets proceedings under way not with the crack of a whip and a drum roll, but the gift of a sparkly bowler hat to a young girl before her parents are hoisted in their armchairs into the sky as an army of marching chemical workers roll across the stage.
Like I say, it ain't no ordinary circus.

It's beautifully choreographed, colourful, moody, elegant, graceful and, at times, breathtaking. Not least, the price of the ticket - £50 a throw I tell ya!

And unlike the Big Top, it is primarily aimed at adults. We took our five and eight-year-old to see the show and while they loved it (despite not lasting the full two hours) some of it was lost on them.

Kids don't do sensuality. One scene had a young girl performing graceful twists and turns 40ft up a hanging silk in a figure-hugging costume. My boy leaned over and said: "You can see her butt." It kind of spoiled the moment, or added to it depending on your viewpoint.

Don't get me wrong, the show is spectacular and the acts absolutely faultless but it can be a little po-faced.

We were, however, treated to acrobatics the like of which defied belief. There was one point where people were being flung 30ft in the air, backwards across 20ft of stage and landing perfectly balanced on the arms of their colleagues. If it wasn't live, you'd swear it was the work of CGI movie wizards.

All the set piece stunts, which included aerial contortionists, super skippers, balancing acts, and an incredible show of Diabolos-chucking by a trio of Chinese girls, were woven seamlessly within a surreal storyline.

The clowns they did have were classy – no custard in sight – and they dragged members of the audience up on stage to be humiliated in the best possible taste.

Overall Quidam is a uniquely impressive show which has to be seen to be believed.

That said, a drum roll and exploding car wouldn't have gone amiss, but then that almost certainly says more about me than the show.

I'm the type dying to shout "he's behind you" at Swan Lake. If you're not, you may well love it.

Quidam, Metroradio Arena, Newcastle (until Sunday)
Ticket Hotline 0844 493 6666