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What makes you happy?
In a world where wealth and fame are seemingly inextricably linked with happiness and contentment, what is the secret to a happy life.
Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess, goes the old song. I thank the Lord that I've been blessed with more than my share of happiness.
Ken Dodd and his tickling stick may have been grinning from ear to ear non-stop, but what about the rest of us. How happy with our lives are we? Are we happier with our lot than our parents and grandparents
And do we even know when we're happy?
The corny old quote goes "we were poor but we were happy" – and there must be some truth in this adage. Look at Premiership footballers, for example, and pop stars, or the troubled offspring of the aristocracy.
Footballers and pop stars earn more money in a week than most of us could hope to earn in five years, and surround themselves with extravagant homes, the best cars in the world and a lifestyle beyond our imaginations.
Socialites will never have to work for a living, and are splashed over the tabloids in a non-stop round of parties and holidays.
Yet those same tabloids are full of stories about sports stars, pop stars and heiresses in depression, in rehab or generally in a deeply unhappy existence.
So what does makes humans happy?
According to Dr Haroula Stathopoulou, an NHS counselling psychologist in the region and senior lecturer in psychology at Sunderland University, it certainly isn't money.
We are no happier now than we were 50 years ago, according to recent research, even though we are materially far better off.
Dr Stathopoulou lists a good marriage, good friendship, good workplace environment, good sleep, good diet and enjoying activities.
And although the dictionary definition of "happy" is "feeling or showing pleasure or contentment", she warns: "Pleasure is not a good predictor of happiness and will not necessarilly make you happy, especially from material possessions like a new car, a new house.
"The quest for happiness is a personal journey. It's a sense of internal balance, being happy with yourself and others around you, being happy with who you are.
"It's difficult to measure happiness and difficult to define it."
While some define it as falling in love, the birth of their first child or their wedding day, Dr Stathopoulou says: "I think small, ordinary things can make us happy, as well as experiencing negative experiences where you manage to cope. It's all part of life.
"It's a combination of part personal and external factors. We try and meet our material needs but this isn't the most imprortant or thinking these things will make us happy and we will find happiness. There is evidence to suggest the wealthier we get we don't get any happier."
But one thing that research shows is that the more positive you are the better.
In her clinical work she sees adults in distress for many different reasons, including depression, anxiety, adjusting to life changes, having difficulties in relationships, phobias, obsessive compulsive disorder and mood disorders.
Dr Stathopoulou says: "I work mainly with people with moderate to severe mental health problems. There is more awareness about mental health difficulties and people seek help for their difficulties."
And as we go into winter, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) will hit many.
Depression can trigger sleep problems, lack of desire to see people, irritability, no interest in people, tiredness at work, feeling generally low and hopeless, apathetic, tense and anxious.
Often when you are feeling down it's just a normal reaction to the situations in our life, bereavement or break-up. "And that," says Dr Stathopoulou, "doesn't mean that you are depressed."
Author Richard Schoch agrees that the pursuit of pleasure does not equate to happiness.
The professor of the history of culture at Queen Mary, University of London, who has written The Secrets of Happiness: Three Thousand Years of Searching For The Good Life, reckons the more pleasure we have, the less fulfilled we feel.
For real contentment, he says we should look beyond quick fixes: "Pleasure is a dangerously unreliable basis for happiness because we can never be sure that the pleasures we want – money, success, beauty – will be the ones we get. Nor do pleasures last; by their nature they are ephemeral.
"We spend lots of money searching for the secret of happiness. Self-help books generate nearly 2bn in annual sales, while the global market for antidepressants stands valued at an astounding 25bn.
"Undeniably, happiness is a growth industry. It is the ultimate luxury item.
"What makes us such good customers is selfishness: we want happiness and we want it now. Arrogantly, we insist that happiness is our birthright.
"Swallow a pill, get happy, do yoga, find your bliss, hire a life coach, regain your self-esteem. We feel entitled to pleasure as the basis of happiness, and we know how risky an idea that is.
Our happiness should be strong enough to withstand the trials, challenges, and traumas that we all face, according to Schoch.
Do we really want a happiness so fragile that it collapses in the face of misfortune, he asks?
"The philosophers of classical antiquity were on to something when they taught that suffering is not an impediment to happiness, he says.
"And maybe it takes a little bit of suffering to remember just what happiness is.
Professor Schoch believes many people are trapped in a spiral of consumption that compels them to buy ever more luxurious items to maintain a consistent amount of pleasure.
He says: "At some point, and it arrives sooner and sooner, pleasure turns first to boredom, then to dissatisfaction, and, finally, to anxiety. We torture ourselves by asking why our hard-earned possessions fail to make us happy.
"Our clothes are never stylish enough and our cars never fast enough.
"One secret of happiness is to moderate our pleasures, so that we find ourselves in the hugely more satisfying state of tranquillity, where simple things yield as much enjoyment as luxuries.
"Once we grow accustomed to simple things we have a better time in life, because we appreciate luxuries all the more, if they come along.
"Happiness demands a frank engagement with the challenges that we face here and now.
"And the toughest challenge of all must be the brutal fact of suffering. Our instincts tell us that suffering and happiness are polar opposites; but our instincts mislead.
"Neither invited nor welcome, suffering, is, nonetheless, part of what makes a life full and complete.
"To live as if suffering were an affront to our humanity and a barrier to our happiness is to miss the point of what it means to be human and happy.
"To moderate pleasure and to endure suffering are powerful testaments to the truth that a happy life is about things higher, greater, deeper, and vaster than ourselves.
"Our life is an ever striving, and we call the striving happiness."
Happiness is ... the one you love, a new baby, soaking in the bath, an unexpected kiss...
Happiness is different things to different people.
But what makes a woman happy? Well, it's simple, according to a recent survey – family and chocolate.
And it seems women really do prefer chocolate to sex, with a bedroom frolic coming in at a lowly No5 while chocolate was fourth.
The poll found women get most joy from being with their family with being in love second and having a holiday third.
Three in 10 said their favourite present was a weekend away – the most popular choice in the survey of 2,000 women.
Second favourite gift was being given cash for a shopping spree, which was a hit with 22 per cent of those quizzed. In third place came – you've guessed, chocolate again.
More than a third of women said they were at their happiest at home.
The next most popular spot was by the seaside. And third best place for a spot of bliss was in bed – sleeping presumably.
Shopping, a leisurely soak in the bath, eating at a restaurant or enjoying a drink in the pub all rated fairly highly in the pleasure stakes.
But most women told the survey that the best moment of their life was the birth of their first child, followed by meeting their partner and their wedding day.
And a woman's favourite way of cheering herself up is by eating, shopping or having a glass of wine.
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Weather for Sunderland
Thursday 24 May 2012
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