Steve Colman: From Grumps to Gramps

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WELL what a week - I am the worst queuer ever.

I hate waiting waiting waiting. But hey when a baby is going to be born it comes whenever it’s ready.

I went down to visit the son and his Mrs last Thursday expecting that young un’ would have arrived by that time. But no, we spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday visiting nice restaurants and various other places interspersed with her having a sleep and lots of rest.

It was great to go to Bray where Heston Bloomenthal’s The Fat Duck is and we went into the pub which he owns in the village.

He only bought the pub in order to provide parking for customers of the restaurant as it is in a very narrow street with a tiny pavement outside.

So we parked in the one space left, and this was after going to have lunch at a new hotel in Windsor, therefore meaning that we weren’t going to spend a fortune on snail porridge or anything else which he may be serving up from his Laboratory/Kitchen.

But after nipping to the loo Daughter in law (DIL) felt a bit dodgy and even before we’d had the chance to get a drink in we were out of the place and heading home.

Saturday we were filling time again before she was ready to give me a grand child so sonny and I went off to watch the football in Twickenham, Yes I know it’s meant to be the home of Rugby, but it was the best place for us to sup and have a catch up on our own.

Anyway after the match there were still no signs that young un was going to make an appearance, so we booked a table at a rather good Indian restaurant named The Gaylord.

It’s apparently one of the best in the region and when we arrived it looked as if this might bring on the birth as we had to stand and wait for 20 minutes at the bar.

But no ,all was good and we hoped that her Tandoori Jalfrezi might have some effect and off we went home again to see whether that might tickle the little one to come out and taste some more of where that came from. Sunday morning came and went and even a wonderful Fritatta (Egg Potato/mushroom/tomato omelette thingy) which DIL did for Breakfast Brunch still didn’t bring anything on. We were now 10 days overdue. It was time for me to depart to get across London and via Kings Cross back to the North East Sunday night at 10pm. Waiting, waiting. I just knew that something would happen the moment I had left their house, but no it didn’t.

Monday came, and whilst I watched Andy Carroll going back and forward from his car to helicopter and back to car and back to helicopter and then finally to Anfield, into hospital she went. Nothing. Induced and ready to roll. Nothing. Tuesday came and went. Nothing, except that I went to the football on Tuesday night and watched Chelsea avenge the 3-0 drubbing we had received at Stamford Bridge with a 4-2 win at The Stadium of Light, I expected a call in the middle of the game. Nothing.

Wednesday - nothing. With all that was going on it was more like Grumps as opposed to Gramps except for the football of course. However I became Mr Grumps even more when coming out of the football we were not allowed to join the station at St Peters with the five guys citing Health and Safety as to why we couldn’t get on at the station there.

We walked up through the town and got on two stops up. It’s the first time that has happened to me and of course the Metro then stopped at St Peters on the way through. Surely a Station built next to a Football Stadium was built with people in mind. Health and Safety? It’s crazy!!

Rant over . Because on Thursday at 3.20pm, Mia arrived and now you can call me Gramps. I’m off to see her tomorrow.

Don’t forget to join me Monday morning when I’ll be announcing the next “Come dine with me.”

It’s going to be at a top restaurant which has been serving great food for many years in the region. Don’t miss out. Now then, where’s that Teddy Bear?