RICHARD ORD: The smell of a real man? It’s lemons

Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp
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Remember the Denim aftershave advert which had the tagline “for the man who doesn’t have to try too hard”?

I never bought it. I also never had it bought for me. No surprise there.

Instead I scoured the shelves for an aftershave more suited to my personality and looks.

I settled for an aftershave called Corduroy. It had the tagline “For the man who has to try harder than most ... and perhaps offer a cash incentive.”

It had a distinctive smell. I believe it was called ‘desperation’.

I joke. There was no such aftershave or advertising campaign. Though I always felt a more honest approach to advertising might pay dividends.

I mention this because Father’s Day is fast approaching and my boys want to buy aftershave. I’m not taking it personally.

What sort of aftershave do they buy their dad? I thought I spotted the perfect one in a TV advert the other morning. It’s called Corsodyl.

The tagline is “for people who spit blood when they brush their teeth.”

That’s me. Dab a little behind my ear and off I go…

Turns out that Corsodyl is a toothpaste. Back to the drawing board.

I’m not sure if Denim is still a popular buy. Though I recall they did do a follow up aftershave called Double Denim. This was advertised as being “for the man who doesn’t have to try at all.”

It was aimed at incredibly handsome men. It smelled of fish, to discourage only the most determined of women.

For the record, Denim is still being sold. It retails for about £3. The tagline is still the same, though it should be “for the man who doesn’t want to pay too much.”

And in case you’re wondering, perfumery experts say Denim’s smell is predominantly lemons and leather.

So that’s what a man who doesn’t have to try too hard smells like. A grocer in a leather jacket!

The modern aftershave adverts don’t really appeal.

Johnny Depp features in one for a product called Dior Sauvage.

For my money he would be a shoo in for the face of Double Denim, but the Sauvage TV ad was a little confusing.

He is filmed racing around in a big car, staring at bison, before heading into the desert to dig a hole.

If it were to have a tagline, it would be “for the man who wears mascara and buries trinkets in sand.”

I’m not sure if that’s me. I’m not sure if that’s anyone, not even Johnny Depp.

When it comes Father’s Day, I think I’ll play it safe. The only smellies I will accept are those on a rope.

I’ll stick to the tried and tested Father’s Day gift of underpants and comedy socks.

They don’t have a tagline, though they do scream “for the man who gave up trying 20 years ago.”

lHave you received a bizarre Father’s Day gift? Drop me aline and we’ll feature it in this column. Email to richard.ord@jpress.co.uk, ideally with a photo.