Richard Ord: Fatzio, Inter Ya Mam, Borussia Teeth, Athletico Kebab ... Sunderland’s greatest football team names revealed

Bodybuilder Anth Bailes
Bodybuilder Anth Bailes
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WHAT a pity the powers-that-be at Darlington didn’t seek inspiration from Sunderland footy fans when coming up with a new name for their club.

Darlington’s hierarchy admittedly only had a few days to think of a new name, due to pressing legal concerns, but their final choice, Darlington 1883, is a huge disappointment.

Mind it was a pretty uninspiring field of names to choose from. It was either Darlington 1883 or Darlington AFC.

With clubs left, right and centre playing fast and loose with shirt colours and stadium names, surely this was the time to take a leaf out of American sports and jazz up the club title or at least look to cash in on the sponsor front.

The Darlington Dragons or Darlo Devils would surely appeal more to a young kid in the schoolyard. Darlington Earthquake anyone? Tipping a wink to their Quakers nickname! Hey, a sponsorship deal with Quaker Oats was surely a no-brainer.

Scottish giants Rangers are in a similar boat. The Rangers Raptors has more bite. And for cash, why not Rangers Rovers (surely that would have brought in a few bob from car giant Land Rover). But what do I know?

Should Sunderland ever, heaven forbid, suffer similar financial bother and a name change is required they should look no further than their own fans for inspiration.

A gander at the team monikers that appear on the Echo’s popular Goals football league tables reveals a rich seam of imaginative names that could be mined.

If you ever want a laugh, hunt Sunderland’s five-a-side team names out. Here’s a selection of some of my favourites spotted last week:

Ajax Treesdown

Not So Athletic

Hardly Athletic

Borussia Teeth

Sheffield Tuesday

Unsporting Lisbon

Wii Not Fit

Real Madras

Ivory Toast

Obi Won-Kenobi Nil

Inter Ya Mam

FC Twente Lambert

Fatzio

Inter Matalan

Athletico Kebab

Of course there are some names that must clearly be a typo. How else do you explain the team Barearselona?

* Spotted any good football team names? Drop Richard a line at richard.ord@northeast-press.co.uk or badger him on Twitter: @DickyO

TV CRITIC Clive James once described Arnold Schwarzenegger as looking like a brown condom full of walnuts … he could just as easily been describing Anth Bailes.

As we revealed this week, Hetton muscle-man Anth won the Mr World bodybuilding competition, but what part of Hetton he’s from is not clear.

Judging by his subtle skin colouring, it must be that Hetton near the Bahamas, either that or his garden is one hell of a sun-trap.

Did anyone really look at Anth’s body and think: “Mmm, he looks good. I must get back into the gym”?

Or were you like me. The only thing that sprang to mind on seeing that body was the reminder I must creosote the garden fence and stain the decking when the rain stops.

Anth is no fitness icon. He’s a walking advert for Cuprinol.

Erm, but don’t tell him I said that. He looks like he could crack my head like, well, a walnut.