Alison Goulding: Winter is a foul in-law

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THE threat of snow has toyed with me for weeks, like a spiteful cat with a soggy, abused mouse.

I kept crawling out of its clutches only to be pawed back in by hysterical tales of Siberian weather fronts, writ large on the websites of certain national newspapers who err on the side of doom.

Last year the snow frightened me.

It actually stopped things from happening and made everyone tired and afraid that summer would never arrive again.

It was so bleak my organs jostled like penguins to decide who had to go on the outside.

Now I am fighting back and have decided to take a peverse enjoyment in the remaining winter months.

My strategy is to treat winter like a really foul in-law.

No matter how much it acts up I’m going to smile benignly and go about my business as if everything is fine.

It’s important to conceal your emotions when it comes to the weather.

If it knows it’s getting to you, you’ve had it – it has won and will only get worse.

Weather plays with our feelings and happiness like a truculent toddler.

“Wind makes me angry,” a friend confessed, “Especially when I’m fishing. It blows the line around. I hate it. Gentle snow is alright.”

Another friend is facing her own meltdown due to the forecast, but for her it’s the lack of snow that has burst her brain into a massive huff.

In the autumn she did the sensible thing and forked out for a 4x4, but so far she has been denied the fun of playing with it in any meaningful, snowstorm context.

As I smother my ill-feeling towards the freezingness I am compensating in other ways.

I can tolerate hardship in a much more stoic fashion if I’ve got the right food and/or fashion situations going on.

So, I have now granted myself unlimited permission to glug as much sugary coffee as I want.

If it goes below freezing point I ramp it up to the next level with milky hot chocolate.

And I’m wearing my fantastic faux fur trapper hat without irony. I use the handy pom poms to clean my phone screen.

Speaking of which ... I have finally joined the cool crowd and bought a none shameful phone with internet and a big touchy screen.

This too is helping me battle the cold because it has a little gizmo that tells me the weather and I can check what it says and then look out the window to confirm, yes, it is mostly cloudy in Sunderland.

Heaven knows what I would do if I was reliant on just the window.

So far I feel like I’m winning the cold war, but where the seasons are concerned its best not to get complacent.

I’ll be wearing two pairs of socks and sleeping with one eye open at least until June, maybe longer.