Tunnel vision
When you work full-time and have kids, doing housework becomes a bit like having tunnel vision – you only do the bits that are directly in your field of vision or move the stuff you're about to trip over.
It's only when you have time to stop and look around that you realise the filth that has accumulated as you steamed by at full speed.
Alas, I was a right Billy No Mates on Saturday. The kids went away on holiday with their dad for a fortnight the Saturday before, so the initial relaxation at not having everything structured around them had worn off.
All my friends were either away on holiday, working, or were doing stuff with their kids.
I woke up in a totally quiet house and it felt... wrong. I realised I missed the chaos, shouting and sibling rivalry that usually drives me crackers. The faint buzzing of Ipods and the muffled sounds of Jeremy Clarkson's voice as Nick watches Top Gear for the umpteenth time – all gone.
I considered going to town, but realised in my feeling-sorry-for-myself state of mind, I would only have needlessly squandered cash on stuff I didn't need, fit into, or want.
And then I wandered into the kitchen – and looked around. REALLY looked
around – and I felt ashamed at how things had been left undone.
Of course, once you clean one bit, it just makes the rest look even dirtier, so you have to keep on going.
I even ventured into that feature of every kitchen, the unusable cupboard – the one that the Ikea designer insists is a great use of space – but you can't actually get anything in or out without the skills of a gynaecologist.
It's the place where unwanted presents and sundry crap finds a home, because you don't feel ready yet to throw it out.
After the cupboard had disgorged its contents (some of it on my head), the rubbish pile grew larger and more eclectic.
The highlights included a broken shark biscuit tin (complete with Jaws theme) – and a baby's bottle steriliser.
Now, considering Nicholas is 13 in October, that meant it had been sitting there for more than a decade.
And then an awful thought occured – do I hang on to it in case we get any grandchildren?
Luckily, I dismissed that particular horrific scenario, rang a friend who actually has a grandchild on the way, and gave it to her.
Six hours later, I fell into a very tired, but satisfied heap on the settee. I hadn't finished, which might give you some idea what state it was in, but I'd broken the back of it.
Desperate as I was, there was one place I didn't venture... the Black Hole of Calcutta (the oven, of course).
I hear there's people out there who'll come in and restore ovens to their former glory – for about 50.
I used to think that was exorbitant – but now, I think that's a fair price.
They'll need a thermo-nuclear device to get ours clean.
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Weather for Sunderland
Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: -3 C to 2 C
Wind Speed: 15 mph
Wind direction: South
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: 1 C to 3 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: South west
