This was no boating accident ... it was the work of a Great White, erm, Sea Kitten.
Animal rights protesters are to demonstrate outside Katie Mac's chippy amid accusations of cruelty – apparently a fish was battered there last week.
Ah, it's good to dust down an old joke and put it back on display in the front window. And I should know, recycling old jokes is my bread and butter.
After the punchline I was going to add: "I'm here all week, try the veal," but I fear animal rights activists might picket the Echo offices waving "Ditch the Veal, Have a Parsnip" banners.
As the Echo revealed this week, members of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta) are to march, maybe even frogmarch, on the Pennywell chippy in protest against the sale of battered frogs' legs.
I'm sure they mean well. And I'm all for looking after our fellow creatures, but I think these animal rights activists often take their loyalty to the wee beasties a tad too far.
If I were to find myself and our pet rabbit Rockta in difficulties in the River Wear following a bizarre animal/human water-skiing accident (not again, I hear you cry) I can't help feel that Peta activists would race to the scene, only to throw the rescue rope to Rockta.
I accept this would happen if my wife were involved, but surely a fellow human being would put people before animals?
It's not necessarily so. A donkey sanctuary in Devon receives more donations a year than many well-known charitable groups fighting domestic violence do put together.
A mammoth 20m went to the Devon Donkey Sanctuary in one year alone. Lord knows how much a League Against Donkey Violence and Ass Abuse charity would rake in should it ever be formed.
Call me an emotionless animal-snubbing biped if you want (the comment box is below), but I firmly believe a percentage of all donations to animal organisations should be distributed to charities that directly help human beings. About 90 per cent ought to do it.
Who'd complain? "Oi! That fiver was meant to help a three-legged donkey in Greece, not save dying babies in Sudanese orphanages. Give it back."
I suspect the Peta lot might grumble. I mean, they're about to descend on Katie Mac's to stand up for frogs' legs.
The charity is supported by the likes of Twiggy, Sir Paul McCartney and Kelly Osbourne, the daughter of bat-eating heavy metal rocker Ozzy. (Paul's Frog Chorus will surely be adopted by the frog campaigners).
This is an organisation which will not just have Katie Mac's battered frogs legs in its sights when its members join the chippy queue. Peta don't want you to eat the fish. In fact, they don't want you to even refer to the cod and haddock we love so much with chips and curry sauce as fish at all.
They want you to call them sea kittens.
It's one of the charity's big campaigns. We won't be so against fish, the Peta literature claims, if we referred to them as sea kittens. Make of that what you will.
It's not clear if Sir Paul, Twiggy or Kelly and her dad will be waving "Fruit Not Fish" or "Pull the Frogs' Legs" placards outside Katie Mac's in the coming weeks but Peta supporter Carol O'Brien has said she will join the protest.
Carol works for Sunderland charity Animal Crackers – a name I feel works on more than one level and should be adopted by Peta.
In fact if they're having a campaign to call fish sea kittens, I want a campaign to call Peta activists crackers. Care to sign up?
---------------------------------------------------------------
Our nine-year-old is away for five days on a school trip. My wife is in bits.
With no phone calls allowed, she is pining for the little fella.
I caught her gently sobbing in the kitchen one night and gave her a cuddle. It was then that I noticed she was wearing a new dressing gown.
On closer inspection, I asked: "Are you wearing Bradley's dressing gown?"
"Yes," she blubbed. It was a touching moment. It is the first time in the nine years of his life that she hasn't been able to speak with him, let alone hold him close.
His dressing gown was the nearest she could get.
What, I wondered, would she wear if I went away for a week?
"My disco pants and a party hat, of course."
These special moments are few and far between.
----------------------------------------------------------------
You can follow Richard online at sunderlandecho.com or on Twitter (just type in DickyO) or simply wait for him outside the office like the other weirdos. General personal abuse can be emailed direct to richard.ord@northeast-press.co.uk
Email to a friend
Print this page- Sunderland striker Campbell fresh to face Middlesbrough
- Sunderland’s astonishing rise even surprising Martin O’Neill
- Middlesbrough 1 Sunderland 2 (aet): O’Neill relieved to avoid shoot-out lottery as Sessegnon wins it
- Martin O’Neill defends David Meyler after criticism from Tony Pulis
- Kieran Richardson says there is plenty more to come from James McClean
Looking for...
Featured advertisers
Jobs
Search for a job
Motors
Search for a car
Property
Search for a house
Weather for Sunderland
Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: -3 C to 2 C
Wind Speed: 15 mph
Wind direction: South
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: 1 C to 3 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: South west
