"Ten minutes from Dover. Am talking to Austrians about the war."
Nick has returned from his school trip to Germany, much to my delight, without a major diplomatic incident.
My fears were grounded in his fascination with Hitler, warfare of any kind, and the kind of limericks which I'm sure my grandfather used to sing with relish – along with his inability to shut up.
I had visions of having to fly to the British Embassy in Bonn to have him released from custody before being expelled from the country.
But nothing could have been further from the truth.
Not only was he well-behaved and polite, he actually used his German and started to eat food he's consistently refused for his entire life at home.
I suppose I pointed out several months ago that people in Germany ate different things and if he didn't eat the food in the hotel, he'd starve.
Before Germany, he would never eat anything sloppy. When he came back, he'd had soup and wonder of wonders, pasta sauce.
Pork is also now on the menu! Hurray!
But the visit was best summed up in the running commentary of random texts he kept sending me:
"Am in hotel, long journey, have showered." (For the only time in the trip, I believe.)
"I now like broccoli soup."
"I like spag bol but this one was without the sauce." (Surely that's just dry pasta then?)
"Put hair gel on middle of hair. Looks weird." (To hide the dirty hair?)
"Am getting hair sprayed blue tonight. Washes off. Been to a castle, full of weapons." (This is the point where I really started to worry. A bit like the battle scene from Braveheart...)
"Tomato soap, pork in breadcrumbs you get chicken in sometimes. I like! Croatian waiter is coolest man ever."
"Three course meals rule!"
"Chocolate museum good, going to the shop. Does gran like alcoholic chocolate? Have bought thoughtful presents." (Is the Pope a Catholic?)
"Playing musical chairs with German six-year-olds." (Steady on.)
"Ten minutes from Dover. Am talking to Austrians about the war." (My blood runs cold at this point as I imagine him asking if they are related to Hitler and Austrians then throwing him overboard.)
Luckily, he made it back without major incident and apparently without cleaning his teeth, or changing his socks or underpants.
There was a remarkable amount of clean clothes left in the case – why are 12-year-old boys so filthy?
At least it was reassuring to hear from another of the mothers that their son had done exactly the same.
Maybe it was so the teachers could never lose them ever if they were out of sight – they would never have been out of smelling range...
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Print this page- Sunderland’s astonishing rise even surprising Martin O’Neill
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Weather for Sunderland
Friday 10 February 2012
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Temperature: -3 C to 2 C
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