No comfort for grieving mums
ON the day Tony Blair published his memoirs, entitled A Journey, I talked to two Sunderland mothers who he has sent on the bitterest and most unimaginable journey of their lives – both losing a son in the war in the Middle East.
For Janice Murray, 47, from Carley Hill, whose 18-year-old son Michael Tench was blown up by a roadside bomb in Iraq three years ago, and Carla Cuthbertson, 38, from Tunstall, whose 19-year-old son, Nathan was killed in a suicide attack in Afghanistan two years ago, the signifigance of Mr Blair's book of regrets coincided with Obama pulling the last American combat brigade out of Iraq this week, seven and a half years after the invasion.
It was a monumental and landmark moment not lost on either of these women as they are the ones who are travelling a lifelong journey like so very many others.
This Sunday, Carla has the anguish of seeing a second son, Connan, at 16 years of age, join the paras, like his brother before him.
And I know how much she and Janice would have wanted Mr Blair to say he was utterly wrong in taking this country to war.
No such crumb of comfort was forthcoming.
Mr Blair stopped short of that, saying he regrets "with every fibre of my being the lives lost in the war".
A total of 179 British soldiers have lost their lives in Iraq and Carla told me: "Nathan was the 100th soldier two years ago and now we have 331 killed in Afghanistan. I hope my other son is not a sad statistic."
Being a mother of three sons, I can only begin to imagine what she is feeling as she wrestles with not standing in her son Connan's way and the fearful, anguish of seeing him go.
At Sunderland Civic Centre her heart was riven as her youngest joined up. His brother Blaine, 17, is a landscape gardener and lives at home with her and husband Tom, a former para.
She says: "Watching him sign that oath of allegiance absolutely tore me up. I had to go back to work because I knew if I went home I would just sit and cry my eyes out."
Sunday will be another emotional day when Carla, a family support worker, and Tom, a paramedic, drop Connan off at Harrogate Foundation College to begin his basic training, just as they did with Nathan.
Carla says: "I have good memories but it's going to open a can of worms, a lot of bad memories. That's where I put him in and he's never come back since."
Like Nathan, all Connan has ever wanted to do was follow in his dad's footsteps.
His mam thought after Nathan's death he would change his mind. But Carla says: "It's made him more determined. I thought it might put him off. I am still proud of him and I think it's going to be hard for Connan because he's worried for me because he knows how much I have missed Nathan.
"I will be going between the two bedrooms, Connan's and Nathan's which is like a shrine.
"I still don't want him to go. I've known for the last year it was happening but today hit me really hard and when I watched all the other mothers they must have seen me crying my eyes out and thought 'What's that silly woman doing?'
"But they are not living my nightmare. I have got it 24 hours. I live with it every day and think of Nathan every day. It all brought back memories of Nathan.
"I was so proud of my youngest but at the same time anxious. Once he passes out he could be off to Afghanistan when he turns 18 and that's when it's really going to hit me. I don't know how I will cope.
If anything happened to him I don't know what I would do. My three boys I idolise.
"I am dreading the house being quiet because I have gone from three teenage boys and my house like a youth centre, all these teenagers coming and having their teas and sleeping and now it's just going to be Tom and me and Blaine. It will be so quiet."
How is Tom taking it? "He's the same as me. He said to me 'Carla, if Nathan had still been in we wouldn't have stopped him.'"
What has helped them both is starting Brothers In Arms and hopefully next year their war memorial will be up next to the cenotaph in Burdon Road.
They took the name which Nathan used to describe him and his best pal, Dave Murray from Carlisle, who died alongside him.
True Brothers in Arms – unlike Mr Blair and Mr Bush
*How uplifting to know for 19 you can have an instant boob job with a bra that turns saggy into perky, takes 10 years off your looks and is so comfortable you can sleep in it.
Ultimo has come up with the ICON bra which the company claims will change the market forever.
Two years of research resulted in a secret laminated moulded sling that "lifts and sculpts breasts and prevents premature sagging, foam cups that give additional lift and support and all so feather light".
If it works, who could ask for anything more?
*Far from sullying the good name of the people of Marley Pots, I intended no offence when I referred to those who had set up a gypsy encampment at Dykeland's Road, last week, as looking "more like dole wallahs from Marley Pots than true travelling people".
That's because some were and were identified as such to me. To everyone else I'm sorry if any offence was taken.
Email to a friend
Print this page- Sunderland striker Campbell fresh to face Middlesbrough
- Sunderland’s astonishing rise even surprising Martin O’Neill
- Middlesbrough 1 Sunderland 2 (aet): O’Neill relieved to avoid shoot-out lottery as Sessegnon wins it
- Martin O’Neill defends David Meyler after criticism from Tony Pulis
- Kieran Richardson says there is plenty more to come from James McClean
Looking for...
Featured advertisers
Jobs
Search for a job
Motors
Search for a car
Property
Search for a house
Weather for Sunderland
Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: -3 C to 2 C
Wind Speed: 15 mph
Wind direction: South
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: 1 C to 3 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: South west
