Disappearing smalls
Call it the balance of yin and yang, divine retribution or karma, we had a curious coincidence last weekend.
Nick's going on a school trip to Germany and we went on a shopping trip to buy the necessary stuff.
I've always thought it important to have new socks and underwear for the kids to go on holiday, strange as it may seem.
This has become triply important at the moment, as Nick's smalls have been performing a disappearing act.
No matter how many pairs of underpants or socks I buy, they vanish into thin air.
I'd even asked myself if they were disintegrating with horrible pre-teen boy sweat – I'm sure his feet leak sulphuric acid.
So, with an underwear drawer consisting of age 3-4 pants that have mysteriously escaped any attempt to get rid of them and a selection of odd or threadbare socks, we headed to the shops.
For once, the expedition went quite smoothly, apart from him falling out with H&M because they had a pink T-shirt in the boys' section.
Big mistake, as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman (he had astonishing brand loyalty to the store, but I doubt he'll cross the threshold again).
Six pairs of boxer shorts and sports socks later, we headed home.
And later that day, he even tidied his room up, only having to be told once – quite an achievement (he once spent nine hours and missed two meals trying to clean up his mess).
During room inspection, it all looked remarkably tidy – until I looked under the bed.
There, mutating into hideous new life forms, were forgotten pairs of dirty underpants – six of them.
Now, if that's not a spooky coincidence, I don't know what is.
Mind you, there wasn't any sign of socks. I'm going to stand by my acidic sweat theory rotting them away to explain that one.
Slugs and snails and puppy dogs' tails – that's what little boys are made of, says the old nursery rhyme.
That's as may be, but not in our house. On weekends, when there's both Nick and Ali sharing the bedroom, there's just an overpowering smell of teenage boy – testosterone, expelled gas and sweat.
It's a terrible thing if the window isn't opened.
I was crowing about this to Gary the other day when he said that girls' rooms were equally appalling to men.
"They smell of burning hair and stale perfume," he said.
Hmm, that's not exactly sugar and spice and all things nice.
Perhaps we need to invest in a few air fresheners...
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Weather for Sunderland
Friday 10 February 2012
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Temperature: -3 C to 2 C
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