Dirty moat, dirty mind. Why shouldn't MPs fill their boots with extravagant expenses claims? Wouldn't you?
Pour billions into the banking industry and MPs are hailed as inventive patriots trying desperately to save the nation's economy.
But the second they use their enterprise to put a little back into the country's moat cleaning industry they are branded thieves and vagabonds.
Is it really such a crime for Tory MP Douglas Hogg to tinker with his expenses to ensure his moat sparkles?
Personally, I'm happy to see my tax contributions used to good effect.
There's nothing shabbier than an MP with a dirty moat. What sort of message would that send out? I hope his turrets are gleaming and his drawbridge freshly waxed too. It's why I pay my taxes.
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Perhaps it's an age thing but I like my politicians to look the part. And by looking the part I don't mean wearing a balaclava with bag marked SWAG over their shoulder.
Which is why I always feel a little uncomfortable when I see Sunderland's Tory leader Lee Martin in his casual look.
This week he was pictured in the Echo taking a suited and booted William Hague around Sunderland, expressing concern about the city's housing situation, in jeans and trainers. He wore a shirt, but no tie.
If it had been a nice day maybe he'd have stripped to his vest.
There was a time when a Shadow Foreign Secretary would have torn a strip off one of his underlings for daring to dress down in his presence.
But given this particular ex-leader was once caught sporting an ill-advised baseball cap in one of the more embarrassing fashion faux pas in politics, he maybe thought better of it.
What would you like to see you politician wearing? A suit, casual slacks or a maybe leg irons? Vent your spleen to Richard at the usual address or email him on richard.ord@northeast-press.co.uk
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The relegation dogfight may well go down to the last day, testing the nerves of Sunderland fans to the limit.
As this photograph of tense Black Cat fans shows they are certainly feeling the pressure.
On closure inspection at least one is clearly feeling it more than most. Or maybe he's just looking for his sunglasses case.
It's going to be a real nailbiter when Sunderland take on Portsmouth this Monday, let's hope they've washed their hands.
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What a difference a week makes in the world of killer pandemics.
When I left work just over a week ago to move house the world was about to succumb to a deadly swine flu virus, on my return that horror scenario had been replaced by Kate and Pete's marriage break up.
Which is a pity, because I'd already bought shares in the tattoo and hairdressing industries in readiness for an apocalyptic future.
My view of the world is heavily influenced by the movies I watch, which doesn't make for an easy life. My enjoyment of swimming is curtailed by my love of the movie Jaws. The disaster movie Airport has instilled in me an unfounded fear of flying. Stephen King's Misery on the other hand instilled a founded fear of women, so it's not all bad. If only I'd heeded the warnings.
On the day of the first swine flu outbreak I watched the movie Doomsday which had chilling echoes of the calamity unfolding on our TV screens.
A deadly virus had hit Scotland (where the first cases of swine flu were located in Britain). The Government had issued health warnings (same here). Quarantine measures were being considered. (it was the same in the real world.)
The movie scenario continued in what to me seemed like a natural progression: People told to stay indoors. Epidemic spreads. Armed forces called in to keep peace. Scotland is quarantined. A wall is built to keep them from crossing border. Armed guards in place to shoot those trying to escape (I never said it was an Oscars candidate).
Why buy shares in hairdressers and tattoo industries I hear you ask. Well, when they return to Scotland 20 years later to try to find a cure for the disease, the inhabitants now sport Mohicans, tattoos and body piercings (Don't get any ideas Mr Martin).
It's maybe worth a punt in the used car market too, because everyone drives at great speed in souped up motors. They also eat people, but that's by the by.
Why global catastrophes should bring out the punk rocker in everyone is beyond me (see all Mad Max movies), but if the movie directors are right, a flutter on nose ring and hair extension futures market may be a sound financial investment.
* What will be the next great health scare? Any advance on a pan-galactic elephant mump epidemic?
Twitter Richard on www.twitter.com – just type in DickyO.
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Print this page- Sunderland’s astonishing rise even surprising Martin O’Neill
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Weather for Sunderland
Friday 10 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: -3 C to 2 C
Wind Speed: 15 mph
Wind direction: South
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Cloudy
Temperature: 1 C to 3 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
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