THE former Russian dissident Ivor Worlankhoff, whom I have known for a number of years, came over for a visit and wanted us to show him the sites of Wearside.

First stop was the windmill in Fulwell. What a let-down! It's stood there for years, had money thrown at it, and it doesn't even work. Hardly a inspiring start.

Then it was down to the coast, and there was nothing there to talk about. However, our visiter was fascinated by the OAPs who sit almost motionless on the seats facing the Marriott hotel, eating ice-cream cornets.

Next stop was The Bridges. Now, this was more interesting. He had never seen a charva before. He wanted to know what that perfume was. I wasn't sure of the name, but when I caught a whiff of it I told him it was probably called Sunset in Southwick.

He was also mesmerised by the fake leather bags they used and the fact that they could insult passers-by for no apparent reason. He was also bemused by the overly orange made-up faces and the fact that they would allow an eight-year-old child to smoke.

He had never seen so much gold around the necks of these chavs, and he left the city telling me and my caddy what a rich area it was.

As we headed up Hylton Road, we witnessed a large queue outside Pallion Health Centre and Mr Worlankhoff inquired as to what the attraction was and what they were giving away. My caddy informed him that these were those seeking a sicknote and we explained how the benefit system works – the Goverment offers more benefits in exchange for a vote and that is how Labour has been in control for years.

We also showed him the club scene and, following a altercation with a doorman over the 20p admittance and a explanation of the words "marra" and "hinny", we witnessed a former cobbler who was doing a terrible rendition of the Tom Jones classic The Green Green Grass of Home.

He has now left these shores and vowed never to return. He did, however, tell us in no uncertain terms that some of these people would never survive in Russia and that they should be thankful for what they have got on Wearside.
Mick "The Pen" Brown

Special thanks
I MUST write to express my gratitude to the staff of East Willows, Cherry Knowle Hospital.
My daughter was a patient for 22 weeks, having been admitted seriously ill suffering from a bi-polar disorder. She was looked after by a Dr Perera.
This quietly-spoken, caring, compassionate man is truly the best doctor I've ever met. He is dedicated to the well-being of his patients and to the best after care on all levels once they are discharged.
The staff, and I mean all the staff, are absolutely marvellous. Nothing is a bother to them. I couldn't have asked for better. I was always well looked after, they took the time to come and talk with me every single visit, always inquiring how I was and keeping me informed with progress. I thank them dearly for their care.
I hope people will remember this special team who quietly go about their jobs unnoticed and sometimes unheard of. My love and thanks to you all. You really are something special.
Mrs Donkin,
Balmoral Terrace,
Sunderland

Some Tory truths
ALAN Wright (Echo June 10) commented that "a sensible and factually correct letter from me would be to too good to be true".
This is laughable, however, from someone so engrossed in the shadowy world of Tory propaganda that he would fail to recognise the meaning of the words "sensible" and "fact" even if they were bounced off the end of his nose.
Wrighty validated the aforementioned by talking rubbish about the doubtful innocence of a Tory MP caught up in the expenses scandal. Wrighty was also economical with the truth when stating I had "gone on a typical hysterical anti-Thatcher rant". As expected, he deliberately ignored the fact that it wasn't my fault. I merely quoted former Tory MP Jerry Hayes. He said that "in 1983 Thatcher instigated a squalid little deal to appease Parliamentarians which meant no increase pay deal but more cash by the back door".
Where possible I try to quote Tory MPs who criticise their colleagues. For example, David Cameron (who has already paid back money), is now facing a grilling over expenses claimed for his London home and second house. One Tory MP said Cameron was guilty of double standards.
He complained that although MPs have simply been obeying the rules, Cameron is saying that is not good enough. Fine, but on that basis why doesn't Cameron repay years of mortgage interest claims?
I now understand why someone said recently both Cameron and Clegg have no moral authority – they are self-righteous brothers.
W Quinn,
Millfield,
Sunderland

Musical delight
I ATTENDED a musical evening at St Anthony's. It was held to help raise funds for the choir's trip to Gracon in Poland.
When they tour Poland, the Polish audience will know that Sunderland has talent.
To the backroom staff who kept the excellent snacks going, to the staff and others who organised the orchestra, the choir, the soloists and individual dancers, one can only say thank you.
John McQuilliam,
Alderham Tower,
Gilley Law

Use ballot box and not a box of eggs
I WATCHED the disgraceful scenes of a baying mob attack Nick Griffin, who was making a press conference statement outside Parliament, by pelting him with eggs.
The democratic way of showing dissent is through the ballot box, not attacking a man who has been elected by thousands of people who don't agree with this Government's policies.
As usual our armed police just looked on and did nothing. They obviously knew the rabble were coming to cause as much trouble as possible.
Instead of showing a woman in a red coat being pushed aside by minders, who were there to protect Griffen, they should show the woman with bright red hair and her accomplice throwing eggs at him.
Nick Griffin had a right to be there, because hundreds of people voted for him to represent them in the EU Parliament.
If a howling mob like this had attacked Gordon Brown or David Cameron, the police would be down on them like a ton of bricks.
The only way to stop any party is the democratic way through the ballot box.
DJ Wright,
Appley Terrace,
Roker,
Sunderland

Whites-only party
IN his defence of the British National Party, John Martin says "the party has candidates who have descended from many nationalities" but prefers not to mention the BNP's membership policy which is restricted to "indigenous British ethnic groups deriving from the class of Indigenous Caucasian" – their clumsy way of saying whites only.
Coun Robert Oliver,
St.Chad's Ward

Ignorant attitudes
IGNORANT, insolent, intolerant – three words which immediately sprang to mind when I witnessed a humble male musician being verbally abused by a middle-aged female member of the public in our crowed city centre.
This was hardly promoting a friendly city, let alone a place which allegedly accommodates all forms of music, either.
On Tuesday, June 9, I made my way to The Bridges shopping centre and heard the bagpipes being played.
As a keen live music fan I am always happy to hear music being played in its rawest form – whatever the instrument.
However, what I heard coming out of this particular woman's mouth was another story.
Passing Milligan's Bakery I saw this bulky women thundering on approach, with such malevolence in her eyes I thought she was in a frantic hurry to catch her bus. Instead, she made a bee-line straight for this busker and shouted right in his face.
It was plain vicious, especially as this was a day when possibly numerous Oasis fans were visiting our city. Some first impression, indeed.
As this lad wasn't a regular busker I went over to him, once he'd hurriedly gathered his stuff together, and reassured him that not everyone was like that in Sunderland.
That frightful woman's behaviour was so out of the blue and so uncalled-for. I had never seen or heard anything like it. And what's worse, we were trying to encourage this place to become a major music city.
The South Shields-based Scottish busker went on to say that he most definitely wouldn't be back, then added that he's had absolutely no problem anywhere else in the North East, especially Newcastle and Shields, where people were far more accommodating .
Where Sunderland leads in the football Premiership stakes, we are sadly lacking well behind any music and cultural opportunities.
This leads me to question, just how Sunderland can ever become a music city with such an abysmal and intolerant attitude?
An appalled and disgruntled music lover
Stadium concerns
THE Stadium has suddenly become a very popular venue. This is great for the city, for business both local and city wide.
It's about time Sunderland finally woke up to its potential. The industrial heritage has been lost, the shipbuilding and coal mining has gone and is a memory of glory – days snatched from us by a bad regime and a ruthless leader. At last we are being once again put on the map.
But there is a but (there always is) – the entertainment and venues should be spread out a little. I say this because it seems the Stadium of Light seem to be a focal point. Do the planners of these gigs and entertainment realise that about 100 yards from the Stadium there are elderly and infirm living in cottages and other elderly homes?
I reckon a few gigs a year at the Stadium can be justified as they only last a day or two, but now it's stated that a fair has been planned in the grounds of the Stadium. Why? There are lots of other venues around the city.
There's Seaburn, where there has been a fairground for years. There is the top end of the Vaux site. This was known for years as the garrison field and was a fairground for years. So why the Stadium? Why put more harassment on these elderly people?
Colin S Wasey,
Wayman Street,
Monkwearmouth,
Sunderland

Tale of two Alberts
YA knar Missus! Ah took the bairns ta the Albert and Victoria Museum, like.
Missus, the've got ivverthing in that museum, like. The've even gorra bronta-sore-arse. Nee the wonda it woz vexed. It must've 'ad piles.
Them dina-sore-arses 'ad nee netty paper in them days. Not even a 'ook wi square of the Daily Mirror ta read.
Victoria must've luvved Albert veyr much 'cos she enjoyed 'e rsell wi Albert on rainy days and gorra tribe o bairns.
Talkin about Albert and bairns missus, did yea knar Albert Edward Colling from the Heast Hend, like?
Albert Edward Colling was a bad sinner the sailor man, whee stowed away on 'is da's boat when 'e woz only 14.
Whaat diz 'e dee? Why, like Sinbad, Albert sails the seven seas.
Mind you missus, Albert woz good to 'is ma, cos 'e sent 'e r the ackers to save for when 'e cum back ta get married, like.
As yea knar missus, things dizzent alwas gan ta plan. Albert gans ta America, gets a posh suit for 'is weddin but missus, a certain tin fish (torpedo) puts pay ta that and Albert is swimming in the Atlantic wi' just 'is vest and Y-fronts on.
Albert even sends a photo home deein is dhobing in 'is undermentionbles.
So 'e's got nee claes ta get married in, and 'is Ma 'as been generous wi 'is savins so 'e s pink lint skint.
Albert sends a message tam to is missus to call the bairn "Albert Edward Colling" cos it's tradition. But clivvor clogs 'is missus carls the bairn Alan Edward Colling and knackers the dynasty.
Once a dynasty 'as been broken, ye've gorra get wisdom from the Greeks or Persians, 'cos Alan Edward Colling, whee shoulda been Albert Edward Colling calls 'is lad Troy.
Missus, that's enuff ta start another Trojan War.
Little Billy Craggs

Ode to autumn
THOUGHTS In An Autumn Wood.
Sunny days of warmth are spent,
and shawls of knitted mist invade the dawn,
to cloak berried trees, heavy and full,
to fill the squirrels winter store.
Raspberries hang like moistened lips,
while brambles cuddle the strawberry,
sheltered under brown bleached bracken,
and wild garlic aroma fills the air.
Arterial blood poppies on meadow carpet,
sway in unison with dutiful autumn wind.
Mushrooms, nourished and moist,
shelter under the purple clover.
Argus butterfly rests on rock rose,
and giant hogweed reaches skyward
to compete with spindly willow herb,
and decaying leaves cluster on damp paths.
Pigeons goosestep and dine on corn stubble,
while elusive badger welcomes the dawn,
and the air screams it's emptiness
at daybreak in an autumn wood.
Alex Branthwaite,
Friarsfield Close,
Sunderland

Mick uncovered
"THE Pen" Uncovered.
Has "The Pen" left the city
or just run out of ink.
His latest idea – a nudist beach
is sure to make you blink.
Nudes gather there in Blandford Street,
charity shops are open there.
Give your clothes to a worthy cause
you're free at last, you're bare.
Mick will lead the merry band
with a wave and just follow me.
Shortly you will be known
as the ravers by the sea.
The band will play
tunes everyone will sing.
Get in step with the drum beat,
everything swill swing
Fun and games all afternoon
then a barbeque.
Please stand back ladies
health and safety's watching you.
The gents all practised hand-stands,
the watchers gave a roar.
They'd never seen a sight like this
on a beach before.
Suddenly the sun went down,
everything went cold.
They all rushed back to the charity shops
but everything was sold.
Like Fagin in Oliver,
Mick's reviewing the situation.
He cannot beat NW winds,
they're an icy irritation.
The newspaper man soon sold out
as they rushed to cover glory.
Never did they every expect
to be the Echo's cover story.
G F Westgarth,
Aged Miners Homes,
Springwell Terrace,
Hetton

Show you care for our young carers
IMAGINE you are nine years old.
Today, you fixed breakfast for your younger brother and sister and your mum.
You put some washing on, got your siblings ready for school, gave mum her medicine and tidied up the kitchen. Imagine you did this all before school.
Across Durham there are more than 200 young carers, many of whom do not get a break all year. Caring for a loved one, while juggling school and social life, can be challenging yet immensely rewarding.
The Children's Society and YMCA Fairthorne Manor celebrate the 10th Young Carers Festival this summer.
The festival gives this forgotten group of children a moment to enjoy their childhood and a chance to have their voices heard.
I'd like to wish everyone a happy and sunny festival in 2009. I know for many young carers the festival is your only chance to come together, meet friends and enjoy a weekend away from everyday responsibilities. I hope this year gives you all that and much, much more.
I invite all your readers to send a personal message to the young carers which will then be posted on their website in time for the festival.
Visit www.childrenssociety.org.uk/youngcarers
Dame Helen Mirren DBE