Mind your language and avoid the gobbledegook please

Despite everything, the corporate/marketing speak fad shows no sign of abating. It's just too entertaining.

It was hoped a few years ago that The Office, alongside a television advert proclaiming a brand of lavatory paper to be a "game changer", would have finished this toe-curling practice for good. Hope on.

For example, Sunderland AFC announced this week that their shop is moving and a firm called Fanatics will be flogging the gear.

As usual, the word “delighted” appeared almost immediately in the club’s announcement, which then proceeded to employ "experience" no fewer than seven times.

Excitingly the shop will "redefine fan experience", while the online store will be re-designed on an "industry-leading Cloud Commerce Platform". No idea what that means, but gettin!

It's pretty much everything the fans could want. That and a striker.

Gone are the days of simply buying stuff. A "world-class retail experience" is now obligatory, in a "new era for fan culture" (obviously). This will "help to create bespoke product ranges" (shirts and that).

This follows news of a new pitch. To wit: "A brand-new state-of-the-art playing surface and undersoil heating system will also be installed this summer, maximising the environment for our team to bring our playing identity to life."

Note the glorious, hell-bent avoidance of the word “pitch”. Still, who doesn't love maximising the environment for their team to bring its playing identity to life?

SAFC isn't alone here. Newcastle United described armpit holes in their current strip as "laser cut... for breathability". Never use real words when "breathability" will do.

Nor is such piffle confined to sport. It’s everywhere, but does zilch for punters. It’s purely to benefit people who like to sound cleverer than they actually are.

The Plain English Campaign offers, no joke, "drivel defence" software to guard against such gobbledegook.

Make no mistake. This impactful issue is actionable and innovative steps to optimise the deliverable experience and its synergy are scalable. Right.

If that doesn't make this journey we've been on more finessed, leading to a sustainable outcome, I don't know what will.

This sort of language really speaks to us. It's just that we don't know what about.